Quick Update

Consistent with my recent post, although not altogether intentionally, music really has begun to take over my life.  Utah Chamber Artists rehearsals are back in session, and we perform with the Utah Symphony this coming weekend (tickets still available through Utah Symphony).  Also, the Christmas concert on December 6th is going to be transcendent and fabulous, get your tickets now.

"Christmas with Utah Chamber Artists"

Location:Libby Gardner Concert Hall

Time:7:30PM Monday, December 6th

My new children's choir is doing wonderfully--almost 30 kids already--and we're preparing for Christmas performances that are fast approaching.  Rehearsals are now up to four a week (although kids only are required to come to two).  Combined with giving and getting private lessons, preparing for my choirs, and getting ready to continue more advanced music study next year at the U, my free time is wonderfully full of things that make me happy.

But of course something had to go to make room for this.  

With the first freeze, the garden took care of itself--that work is over, and next spring will entail a very conservative planting, which may even include some grass.  

Perhaps more shocking, as of Saturday I am now no longer murderous or an owner of any chickens at all.

I also had to let go of most of my volunteer time at the kid's school, so I can earn a little on the side and keep my home in better order.  

And obviously, I'm writing a whole lot less.  That's a sad one, and I hope to squeeze it in more.  

Like gardening, music often involves my children, or at least doesn't require me leaving them (even if sometimes they tell me to get off the piano so they can practice or my little ones tell me to quit being so loud--just the opposite of what my teacher says ;)  and my UCA rehearsals and performances (four this week total!) are later in the evening, so not too hard on the parenting.

The family is doing well, Ben and Sophie are both doing well in school, Tae Kwon Do and piano.  Noah and Lucy seem to be enjoying life.  David is my favorite thing, so I'm glad he lives here.  I love being home.  

It's strange that in all of this I still struggle so hard to find hope and act charitable--the more weighty purposes in life.  I've really noticed the connection between hope and charity lately--it's almost impossible to have the latter without the former.  It's always been tricky for me to keep my head straight and not get discouraged about things--not just my own things, but other people's struggles, state-of-the world things.  

This week I discovered that when we are told to put on the full armor of God, the armor that protects the head--the helmet--is the "hope of salvation."  That was quite an epiphany--that hope is the key to keeping my head straight.  I need to remember that. 

But aside from keeping the crazy at bay, all in all things are good.

If you can't join 'em--start your own party

As I said in my last post, I was so excited to get my kids going in the fancy new choir.  But as the moment moved closer to write the check, I started feeling weird about it.  It was so much money, and I felt anxious as I thought about that and the "performance parent" chaos that would replace my peaceful, quiet holiday season--they have tons of performances.


We decided to nix it, and glad I did, as I found out from a friend that there were a lot of additional fees and charges I didn't know about--it would have amounted to another $260 a month!  So that was a good call.


Then, as I told my friend Melonee about it, she recommended I just have my own children's choir--for parents like us who don't have tons of expendable income or time to run around to tons of performances, but still want a fancy classical musical education for our kids.  I have some great curriculum materials and felt I could still give my kids what I wanted for them, I just needed some more kids to round it out.  Plus I had just told Melonee I wanted to take on a few more voice students anyway, so it all came together.


So I spent a couple hours the other night to pop up a website and get the materials together.  We'll practice in my home for now, at the church if they will allow it and we grow too much, and the school has given me permission (and a piano!) to have rehearsals there after school.  It should be really fun, and although we'll still perform, it won't be a crazy schedule (and always on my terms).  :)


So, that's what I'm doing these days.

Prep for Christmas starts this coming Wednesday--German, Latin, and Kodaly ear training to boot. Should be fun! Please pass along the info to anyone in the area who may be interested.

www.veritaschildrenschoir.org

Veritas Children's Choir of Utah

www.veritaschildrenschoir.org

Veritas Children's Choir was created to provide an affordable, quality musical foundation to children ages 8-15* in Davis County and the greater Salt Lake City area. A wide range of exciting repertoire, formal Kodaly training and upbeat instruction help young singers learn to sing naturally while th...

If Music Be the Food of Love: Managing the Mundane

It's been a month since school began, and the family continues to both embrace and resist the structure and schedule in a kind of awkward dance.  (Everyone but David, of course, who only embraces it.)    I have decided to stay at the school while the children are there four days a week--helping to correct papers and cover incidental needs, subbing as needed.  School is only 8-12 and runs very conservatively on staff and budget, so they need the help.  I also watch a little six-week old boy while his mother does a fantastic job of teaching math and science to the upper grades. They have helped our family so much, I'm glad to be useful for once.

But on a more selfish note, it has forced more structure into my own life.  I can bring my computer in, write, deal with family business, and take care of things in between the times I'm needed.  That keeps me off the computer in the after-school hours where my attention really needs to be on house and home and parenting. 

That is the rough part, when the structure ends.  That daily grind where roses are supposed to be blooming beneath my feet with all that love at home.  However, I too often fail to see any. 

The past several weeks have led me to much thinking about how to manage the mundane--the stuff that 99.9% of life is made of.  I have spent so much energy trying to avoid it, by living in the future (or the past, or on the internet) distracting myself with other possibilities that would surely be much more interesting.  The perennial motherly temptations of something more meaningful or important--which of course do not exist. Conference was such a blessing, and as I listened with these things in mind, I heard a lot about simplicity and how to find joy in the everyday.  I've been really struggling to bring the promptings and inspiration I received in those two days into the reality of my post-conference life.

But even before conference, I had consciously come to (what seems now) an obvious conclusion.  I struggled with the same questions many do: How would I survive the crushing weight of my own thoughts when life would now be comprised almost entirely of menial tasks?  How would I stay engaged and not allow myself to be distracted or discontent with my terribly uncool reality?

Easy--I just needed a cooler soundtrack. 

The obvious next step was with Pandora--in my mind, the greatest invention the world has ever known.  Constant, free, almost ad-free internet radio completely customized to myself?  Yes, please.  Bored with the endless cycle of dishes?  The Postal Service station is the answer--because now I'm a sassy indie hipster finding only slightly pretentious beauty in the everyday things.  Feeling a little blue and don't want to be cheered up?  Definitely the Patty Griffin station--where the despair can become accepting and transcendent instead of dragging me into a dark place.  Chores with the kids?  Twist and Shout radio seems to get them going pretty well.

Generally, I don't use music to feel better when I'm down or to change how I'm feeling, but to help me feel how I'm feeling in a more beautiful way. Whatever the emotion, however uncomfortable or painful--music seems to color it in a way that enhances the inherent value of the human experience.

Making music, for me, is even more powerful.  I was so grateful recently to get into the Utah Chamber Artists, who are argued by many musicians to be one of the finest vocal groups in the state.  I am overwhelmed by my emotional response to creating this music.  I guess I'm just a rookie, but I'm still having to hide tears during rehearsals just from the beauty of it all.  

And, instead of just carelessly pounding my way through primary like a muppet (I'm the pianist), the upcoming program (and lots of fancy piano arrangements) are requiring me to practice every day--and I am noticing that practicing time resets my emotions in a very positive way (often needed after helping my own children practice their piano).

On that topic, I feel the same effect on my children.  At the risk of overscheduling them, I have just given in to their requests to join a children's choir--and my generally whiny, negative, squabbling older children turn into happy, laughing buddies for hours after coming home (plus this great choir often gets to sing for amazing people like the Dalai Lama, visiting dignitaries, church leaders, etc.)  They are playing the piano in their free time and finding joy in what they can do now (thanks to the most amazing piano teacher--ask me if you need one!)  They come to my concerts and actually enjoy them--not openly weeping like their sissy mother, though, not yet anyway.

So, whatever other things I need to understand to enjoy the practice of daily living, music, for now, is making all the difference.  It doesn't make me a better parent, but it is just a bit harder to yell at them over Pandora.

good news . . .

As many of you know, I was given a wonderful opportunity to contribute a chapter to the new book "Life Lessons from Fathers of Faith: Inspiring True Stories About Latter-Day Dads." It's a beautiful, full-color coffee table book with over 300 pages. If all goes well, they hope to have books in Deseret Book, Seagull Book, and Costco by Saturday.  This is a big deal for me, since it's the first time I have been published under my own name!  (Being a published ghostwriter somehow just didn't feel like the real thing.)

So, I'm asking you to consider buying it as a gift for the fathers, grandfathers and father-figures in your life.  The book has already received some great publicity and reviews. Here's a link to a review in the Deseret News' "Mormon Times." http://www.mormontimes.com/article/17343/Fathers-of-Faith-pays-tribute-to-fa  Also, a companion DVD will also be released next week, and this Saturday at 4 p.m., KSL TV will air a 30 minute documentary about the book.  Then, on KSL Radio (1160 am, 102.7 FM and online at KSL.com) they'll also present 30 minute segment about the book at 5 p.m. this Saturday.  There is also have a book trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A-Roqg0GqE

One of the editors, Gary Toyn, is a good friend of mine and a wonderful guy.  If you haven't already, please support him and the book and become a fan of Fathers of Faith on Facebook (http://ow.ly/2KPXC) or become a follower on Twitter at twitter.com/FathersofFaith

Forgive the shameless promotion, but I'd really like to see all of Gary's hard work succeed. Any help you can offer to help spread the word, I would greatly appreciate it.  

Thanks,

Valerie

Goodbye, Aunt Val

Of course the summer was fun.  How could it not be, jam-packed with field trips, hikes, camp outs and road trips galore, all in the name of "wholesome family recreation."  But some honest introspection as August rolled inevitably on revealed (again) the true motive behind all my MEPAF, POCHAF, "everybody-in-the-car" tendencies--good old fashioned avoidance of my parental responsibilities.

Because when we're out entertaining ourselves, mom Val gives way to fun, carefree Aunt Val--the one that spoils you and takes you cool places and buys (and eats) too many treats and is SO much nicer than that scary, screaming lady back at home.  And why shouldn't she be nice?  There are no dishes to wash, no food to prepare, thanks to the food that so easily flows through the window of the car.  No chore enforcement, no refereeing the constant fights that blow up between under-occupied children.

And you can tell me that's what summer is for, but it all points to something much deeper, because as nights get crisper and schedules and budgets tighten for fall, I feel like cattle out to pasture slowly being nipped, whipped and "Ki-yayed" back into the corral.  And, instead of longing for the comforts of home, I find myself absent-mindedly browsing for jobs (against my own very recent advice).

But no, I really do know better, deep down, and firmly renewed my focus running up to school starting this week.

I prayed, I pondered, I rededicated myself to scripture study, and tried to seek guidance as I prepared the schedule and figured out how to focus myself.  Life presents so many things to do, so many things I want to try and be and see and learn.  And, just a couple years away from completing four decades, I'm only now realizing I won't, can't, shouldn't, couldn't try/be/see/learn it all.  (For years I've resented the sentiment terribly when the kids listen to Lion King and she sings, "There's more to see than can ever be seen, More to do than can ever be done." Oh, shut up--I CAN have it all!)

And of course, half the time all I want to do is nothing anyway, so that really cuts into my options, too.

In the end (still cringing about it) I'm going to end up doing much less than I wanted/planned/hoped, or probably even should, do.

In determining a plan, I finally came to terms with the fact that I'm useless at night and must quit scheduling tasks, especially work and writing, after the kids go down.  The only time I can pull off anything worth reading  that late is when money and a potentially PO'd boss is in the picture.  I am not a morning person, but I also believe that's no reason not to get up early, it just needs to be done.  So there's that.

The strongest, most surprising impression I received in putting together simplified the whole process greatly--and the message was this: ONLY home and family from after school until the kids are in bed.  No multitasking, no computer (except bills and family management--accomplishing things, not browsing or dreaming or house hunting), no outlining work projects in my head, no distractions or preoccupations.  I can run errands, clean, plan, help with homework, piano practice, have the chats that never happen when I'm holed up in my "office" (bed) with my secret crush (laptop).  The people in my house come first.

The fabulous article on slowing down in the Ensign in June 2010 helped inspire this, and I got a great blessing along with the kids right before school started which has helped as well.

So, we're finishing up day two of this concept, and wow, it is a lot easier in many ways.  With all those hours, the house is cleaner, the busywork life management checklist is much slimmed down, everyone is fed regularly and more healthfully, fights are stopped before they start, chores are done right and more quickly (who knew just a little supervision would do so much!), kids are guardedly excited about the actual parenting they are receiving, David is more productive in his work, there is time for the scriptures, prayers, etc., and honestly, everything that matters is getting done like never before.

But more importantly, and surprisingly, my life is easier than it was.  I sit down more.  I look out the windows sometimes.  Before, when I let the hours between 12-8 be a free-for-all, I mainly just ran in a circle, not knowing where to start, but resenting anything and everyone that kept me from doing anything and everything else.  Resenting that I was always being pulled away from something, not sure what it was, but sure it was "important."

I don't feel like I'm failing for the first time in what seems like forever.

Granted, it's the end of day two, I'm very tired adjusting to the new wake up time, but I have yet to see a downside (that will probably come when I put in my almost non-existent hours this next pay period).  What a novel idea to actually just attend to my home and family for the majority of my day.

I know to many of my friends this is an absurd discovery, and you've been doing it forever, but sympathize with a slow learner, will you?   It takes me time to realize, accept, and then relearn that my primary role is not a nanny, a marketer, an observer, living like that "I'm a waiter but really I'm an actor" cliche character in the movies: "I'm a mother but really I'm a moneymaker/writer/diva whatever."  And I may never be rich or thin, and maybe when I'm old I'll resent having spent so much of my life "kicking against the pricks" on those two time hogs.

It's time to say goodbye to Aunt Val, slow down, and be just a mother.

Research shows that what you say about others says a lot about you

Fascinating study--take a look!

"How positively you see others is linked to how happy, kind-hearted and emotionally stable you are, according to new research. In contrast, negative perceptions of others are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior."

 

 

Sent to you by valkyrie via Google Reader:

 

 

What you say about others says a lot about you, research shows

via ScienceDaily: Latest Science News on 8/3/10

How positively you see others is linked to how happy, kind-hearted and emotionally stable you are, according to new research. In contrast, negative perceptions of others are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior.

 

 

Things you can do from here:

• Subscribe to ScienceDaily: Latest Science News using Google Reader
• Get started using Google Reader to easily keep up with all your favorite sites

 

 

The Most Dangerous Playground in

...in the world.

Well, our grandparents survived these and it is true that the new
parks are protecting us to bored tears, but this park in Alpine a few
minutes south of our camp definitely hearkens back to an earlier and
less litigious time.

No doubt real teeter-totters are a bruised bottom waiting to happen
(and this one tried to simulate a mammogram on me (don't ask) but they
are great fun with constant adult supervision. Same goes for the
gargantuan slide that sends Lucy flying for yards off the bottom to
the mud and enormous monkey bars enticing kids to climb to ridiculous
heights. No passive park parenting here, but of course the kids loved
it and (aside from said accidental mammo) no one was seriously hurt.

Coalsville of a Sunday

Although these pictures do little to capture the peace of this moment,
I didn't want to forget this sweet picnic we stopped to enjoy a week
ago Sunday as we drove up to Jackson for the big summer vacation.

We had an old-timey icebox picnic of cold fried chicken, bread, fruit
and veggies in an old but tidy flag-draped pavillion. Then the kids
played a bit before settling back into the car to finish the drive.

Other than a shushing breeze, the town and the park were wonderfully
silent and perfectly vacant in every direction but for a single
horse. I'd like to attribute it to Sunday piety more than economic
collapse, but it was likely both. (And the latter tends to encourage
the former, of course.)

Then on to glorious Jackson, where the flood of loveliness continued.
More posts on that soon.

Lagoon!

Winding down our making-up-for-mom-working-for-two-years summer
extravaganza we all went to Lagoon for Ben's birthday. We had a ball.
Right now they are all on their last carousel ride at almost 10 pm
while I sit and try to get my stomach back under control after Wicked,
the Spider and Colossus.

My first baby is 11!

Ben had a racquet-themed birthday with a badminton set and his first tennis racquet.  We went up to the park for his first lesson after a monkey-bread and bacon breakfast. Then he had a fun BBQ with friends, dad cooked, and after an afternoon playing with his birthday presents we went to dinner at Robintinos with grandparents.  The night was spent watching Raiders of the Lost Ark with Dad and I came in at the end to tell him to shut his eyes, just like Indy and Marion do. I remember too well how all that face melting stuck in my head for years as a kid. 

 

I thought that having to wait so long to become a parent would have made me a more patient, loving, grateful mother.  I didn't take into account that every child brings their own lesson plan and that my first born would be a graduate course in parenting. I wasn't prepared, and am not the A-parent I'd hoped I'd be, but I trust the Lord knew what what he was doing and will make up for my failings in the heart of this little man as I keep trying to give him what he needs in life.  I became a very different person because of this strong, strong-willed, quirky, boy genius. 

 

I am so happy with who you have become and am so blessed to be your mom.  I love you, sweet Ben.  One more year to be a boy. 

Easy Pre-Camping Field Trip: Beehive House & Temple Square

Super fast, easy and cheap. The best choice a week before the big
campout. Now we're in Jackson camping. (I'm in town taking kids to
the park so I have signal.)

Handcart Days Fair

Another required annual tradition after the Chuckwagon Breakfast on
the 24th The joke of the day was, "c'mon kids, hurry up and make
memories so we can go home." Cute kids, hot husband.

July 24 Parade

In the spirit of positivity let me just say that the July 4 parade
that goes right in front of my house in West Bountiful is the best. It
is shortish, quaint and old-timey, and enough candy is thrown to feed
my kids for a week if I allowed it. If I get thirsty, hot or tired I
traipse into my house and do whatever while my kids scramble for candy
safely in my own driveway. Why aren't all parades like this?

But this post is about the Bountiful 24 Pioneer Day parade. I had a
date to see Salt with David I was anxious to get to and the website
said 120 entrants in the parade, but I was trying to be optimistic. In
the end, there were almost 130 and we barely got to our 9:10 seats in
time although the parade started at six. How many dance companies and
drill teams can be in one town? (Answer: 9)

We go to my grandmother Louise's retirement center to watch it with
her each year. Here are the highlights, according to me: (doesn't look
90, does she? May I be so lucky!) what is it about the Wendys people I
like so much? The frosty guy, I guess.

Ogden Nature Center

This is a wonderful place to check out with kids and would be even
more spectacular on a much cooler day. Bear dens, live owls and eagles
(injured and in captivity) tadpole ponds and treehouses and the
results of a very creative birdhouse making contest are everywhere.
Check it out when the weather gets cooler. Even with the heat, I
enjoyed all of it except for the last fifteen minutes where I had a
five year old on my shoulders/back and a four year old in my arms as I
walked through a sunny patch. But it all worked out in the end and we
finished things off at Paces.

Backcountry adventures

Wow! I'd never gone four-wheeling before today and now it feels like
I've done it all my life. So much fun, and such beautiful, wild
country. Uncle Bob said a visiting botanist told them that some of the
cedars on the property are over 6000 years old, which boggles the
mind. The sky is just so big up here.

I got a far away shot of mom and her sister Anita on the Brute Force.
For a bit, Noah and Lucy were both with me and I hopped off for a pic
but Lucy was mad about the heat and the bumps. She perked up on the
way back when we could tear fast down a flat road and yell "Yee
HAH!". My mom says the last picture shows why people think Doris and
I are sisters. ;)

Having a lovely time.

(End of the post onslaught.)