I promised myself that when I finally left the workplace to come back home I'd write myself a letter to remember why it was a good thing. It's so tempting to get back into the noise and mess and wonder why I left the quiet pleasantness and good friends for this chaos.
It's a sad reality, but I am much better at writing marketing plans than I am mothering and taking care of a house. (This is why I admire you so much, Carrie.) I'm not a natural mother--I love my children fiercely, but I don't "get" children in that way some nurturing types do. Maybe it was my upbringing as an only child and mostly single mother that made me think child rearing would be a lot quieter, and, well, a lot less childish. It's no secret that being home is much harder work physically, emotionally and spiritually than being at the office.
It sounds like I'm writing the reasons to not stay at home, but I think it's just the opposite.
There is no wisdom in thinking the path of least resistance is the easiest path, but there is much evidence to the contrary. There's a great saying used a lot in my Weight Watchers meeting: "Choose your hard." Being fat is hard, dieting is hard. Choose the hard you'd rather do.
As hard as it is to be with the kids, being away from the kids is hard. For me, it was impossible to work without shutting off some of the little maternal instinct I have. I wasn't parenting the way I had always meant to parent (I know, who does?)
Part of it is probably just my personal psyche--I have a hard time multitasking and shifting gears. When I'm working my brain stays at work and I have a hard time fully focusing on my home and family. After being home for a vacation or a long weekend, the reverse is true. And maybe some moms can shift gears faster and better.
But for me, I felt unable to prevent compromise on what I wanted my children to be doing and the habits I wanted them to be taught. And, despite so much argument to the contrary, my children were clearly worse off without even my lame guidance--not just because they pined for me, but because they were left with less guidance and teaching than they needed. I can see that there was some independence gained, but overall, it wasn't an ideal situation for them.
Just one day home makes it clear how many teaching opportunities come up in a single day--from the gospel to occupational tasks to civics and government back to more gospel principles. And the complexity and intensity of the forces facing our children as they come of age is mind-boggling—every lesson they can get will be sorely needed.
Yet another set of lessons lost are the ones they teach me--how to master myself, how to control my words, how to not be a huge hypocrite, how to run a household--how to pray into my life the charity I need to accomplish what I came here to earth to do in the first place.
And not just self-discipline, but the accidental lessons learned while watching and listening to my children. Their little spirits just amaze me--and there's no saying that just because I got here 30 years earlier I am so much wiser. (Yet, even with this knowledge, I'm perfectly willing to practice the grown-up double standard far too often.)
Also, in the past week at home, even though I've been working more than I ever did at the office, I've been able to hear so many great conversations that have helped my love for my children grow in a way that makes it easier to be a parent. It's difficult when we only see each other tired and cranky at the end of the day to build what has so quickly begun to regenerate after only two weeks.
I've learned that when Noah refers to any extreme of distance he will use the word "tippy"—as in, "the very tippy bottom," the "tippy back of the shelf." Ben and Sophie both need hugs and physical attention every day, several times a day, to help him feel grounded and safe, and I hadn't noticed that. Lucy has a rare but hysterical giggle.
Yesterday in the car, Sophie, Noah and Lucy were planning how they were going to play in the backyard playhouse when they got home--who wanted to be the mom, the baby, and the mayor, and that the mayor had dibs on the stroller this time. Obviously all of these roles are critical when playing house. It made me laugh--and sadly, I don't often laugh with my kids.
Working for those two years was not a mistake--I was led to that decision and led to that fantastic job and we were able to quickly solve some difficult problems, but the moment it was time to come home, I felt it.
When your time is spent primarily on any one thing, things that interfere with that primary focus are distractions, a nuisance, and a frustration. When your life is work, other personal projects (a blog!) or even an obsession with a personal problem, the children become the bother. I wrote a whole essay about this some time ago, but how can I can be expected to actually remember past life lessons more than five minutes?
At the same time, I have a very hard time just sitting down and staring at my children or doing kid things. I didn't do a lot of being a kid as a kid, so it feels very forced. However, even with my motherhood-impaired temperament, what I learned when we first moved to our little "farm" is that the slower, "old-fashioned" life can be lived alongside children rather than in spite of them, that I can enjoy what I'm doing and my children at the same time while teaching them important things.
I'm anxious to return to—and re-learn—that life, and spend less time actively teaching myself the latest marketing strategies and more time passively letting life (the Lord) teach me. Everything is so full of lessons.
So, future self, when you want to run to the quiet safety of an office, run to the garden, kids in tow, and let the chaos escape into the open air.
Showing posts with label working mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label working mom. Show all posts
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
California Dreamin'
How many blog posts do you think have that title? My guess is quite a few.
Well, I had a fabulous trip to California. My time with Doris (as discussed below) was precious and too rare. The funeral was bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter, with good memories and many old and dear friends like Di and Megan. I got to sing with my dear friend Michele, whose daughter Addy was with Ben in those wonderful three years with Nancy as a primary teacher.
We played a lot, did Chuck E Cheese with sweet Shauna, saw Tasha and Yuka's beautiful new (and both long awaited for) little baby girls. I smelled the ocean air from the Getty hilltop, I gazed up at the Pasadena mountains from the park bench at Lacy Park, I smelled the oranges in the groves at the Arboretum. I ate yummy cottage cheese pancakes with my good friends the Chamberlains on a sunny Sunday morning. I enjoyed the company of my bro and sis in law in Vegas while driving to and fro.
In my mind I saw a 2-year old Ben swinging at Hamilton Park as I watched my big 10-year old sat swinging intently in the same swing in just the same way. I drove by the house where Noah was born, by the hospital where Sophie and Eden were born, by the townhouse we brought the tiny 5-lb Lucy home to and by the one home I ever owned. I was taught yet another major life lesson by Patti Jones--not the first time, hopefully not the last.
At 37, a third of my life was spent in SoCal, and probably two thirds of my life's lessons thus far. Time and place hold such significance for us nostalgic types. At the same time, I am very aware of how hard it was to live there on many levels, and a brief visit in the glory of January is not an accurate picture of things. I did have moments on this visit where I thought, "This is the place of my undoing"--there were some ridiculously difficult times. Still, I just hold a lot of room in my heart for the people and places down there.
Now I'm home, and working full time this week to make up the lost hours. I am lucky to have a good job that I enjoy and people I enjoy working with, and most of the work I don't mind so much either. But I do feel an increasing pull back home and see things in my family that make it clear this can't go on forever.
I went to the temple last night because I was feeling a little bummed. Although I was exhausted from the trip and could hardly stay awake I still had a distinct impression that I was to lift up my head and rejoice and love the Lord for all He's done for me. I feel God is working in me to help make changes I've been unable to make on my own, and I feel a quieter, more peaceful feeling than I've felt in a long time.
Well, I had a fabulous trip to California. My time with Doris (as discussed below) was precious and too rare. The funeral was bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter, with good memories and many old and dear friends like Di and Megan. I got to sing with my dear friend Michele, whose daughter Addy was with Ben in those wonderful three years with Nancy as a primary teacher.
We played a lot, did Chuck E Cheese with sweet Shauna, saw Tasha and Yuka's beautiful new (and both long awaited for) little baby girls. I smelled the ocean air from the Getty hilltop, I gazed up at the Pasadena mountains from the park bench at Lacy Park, I smelled the oranges in the groves at the Arboretum. I ate yummy cottage cheese pancakes with my good friends the Chamberlains on a sunny Sunday morning. I enjoyed the company of my bro and sis in law in Vegas while driving to and fro.
In my mind I saw a 2-year old Ben swinging at Hamilton Park as I watched my big 10-year old sat swinging intently in the same swing in just the same way. I drove by the house where Noah was born, by the hospital where Sophie and Eden were born, by the townhouse we brought the tiny 5-lb Lucy home to and by the one home I ever owned. I was taught yet another major life lesson by Patti Jones--not the first time, hopefully not the last.
At 37, a third of my life was spent in SoCal, and probably two thirds of my life's lessons thus far. Time and place hold such significance for us nostalgic types. At the same time, I am very aware of how hard it was to live there on many levels, and a brief visit in the glory of January is not an accurate picture of things. I did have moments on this visit where I thought, "This is the place of my undoing"--there were some ridiculously difficult times. Still, I just hold a lot of room in my heart for the people and places down there.
Now I'm home, and working full time this week to make up the lost hours. I am lucky to have a good job that I enjoy and people I enjoy working with, and most of the work I don't mind so much either. But I do feel an increasing pull back home and see things in my family that make it clear this can't go on forever.
I went to the temple last night because I was feeling a little bummed. Although I was exhausted from the trip and could hardly stay awake I still had a distinct impression that I was to lift up my head and rejoice and love the Lord for all He's done for me. I feel God is working in me to help make changes I've been unable to make on my own, and I feel a quieter, more peaceful feeling than I've felt in a long time.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Gearing up to lie down
I'm trying not to scare myself about this week, but it looks scary from this end of it. I have tons of work at the office to make sure I wrap up before surgery and my last day is Friday. David is off adding four more states to his "been there" list. Noah has been yakking all weekend and although he was lethargic and clearly sick today, I thought we were over the vomit part but apparently not as of a few minutes ago--so all my bedsheets are in the wash. Plus, my bathtub is full of bleach from the Noah & Lucy Fun Bath turned Screaming Shower of Horrors thanks to some diarrhea. Thank heaven for my mother, who arrived with a full crockpot at dinner time and scoured my kitchen. I'd done 6.5 hours of housecleaning on Saturday but it didn't look like much of anything had happened by this afternoon. Also thank heaven for the lady at church that played piano for me in primary and Kim for taking Ben and Sophie to church. I'm going to have to scramble tomorrow and go into work late, so there will be another docket of acknowlegements.
Ben's symptoms have gotten much worse over the past 2 weeks, hyper, impulsive, tics, argumentative--I can't say much has changed that I can point to as a cause, it is perplexing. However, he is doing great in school--I just had parent-teacher conference with his teacher and he got 8 As, 4 Bs, and one C+ (in composition). It is really fun to hear him speak in and translate Latin--it's his favorite subject. Today we talked about fasting a lot since we're fasting for his dad, and although I know (like his mom) food is the center of his attention, I think he learned a little about subjecting the physical to grow spiritually.
Sophie seems to be good, she can be hard to read. Her reading has really taken off and she is doing well in school, my conference with maw-in-law is Tuesday. The other day she was looking at Ben's report card and said, "I never get Cs. Well, today I got a D, but that was because I forgot I was in science and thought I was at recess." She really enjoys the Little House books we're reading, and wants to start gymnastics, but I just can't add it now. We've missed enough piano lessons in the chaos that we had to take a sabbatical. I feel bad about it, but I'm hoping something will change and magically make things more manageable--that Deus de Machina previously mentioned.
Noah is sweet and barfy. He is doing well at Lucy's daycare but still seems actively troubled at my absence, which is rubbing off on me. It takes him hours before he starts looking me in the eye after I pick him up, and he only warms back up to his usual cuddly self on the weekends. He's terribly smart though, and is doing great in his preschool(s).
Lucy is a woman of her own mind and although she can talk some she doesn't much usually. When she does it is with amazing diction, not sure what that is about. She is a two year old, complete with mood swings and tantrums and meltdowns. She's wonderfully coy and cute and also terribly smart. She seems to see Kari's house (her babysitter) as some kind of wonderful play date most of the time, and even asks to go on weekends. But sometimes she acts like we're pulling her limb from limb. Who can say what's in that little head?
David and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this week, complete with family birthday party on Monday with bowling and Chuck-a-rama buffet (Sophie's pick). We're taking our first weekend away alone since I was pregnant with Noah next weekend, thanks to local grandparents. We're not going far, but it will be nice to rest up and reconnect before another season of crazy with the surgery coming up a week from Tues.
Life has gotten trickier because I've been ordered into therapy by a loving spouse and have been working on some other projects to hopefully help our future stability, so I'm staying up way way too late and thanks to the dumb therapy am far too aware of my feelings than I am normally. My therapist says I repress my feelings. I just think, life is what it is, it's hard, and what's going to happen is what's going to happen, so what does it matter how I feel about it? I've been living with the motto "suck it up and deal" for four years, why stop now?
Apparently the reason to stop is that it makes you certifiably crazy.
Lame, stupid feelings. Very overrated.
Anyway, David also has some irons in the fire, and we need your prayers that one of those will take. Now.
The pace of life is like nothing I've ever had to deal with , but we are very blessed. I feel the Lord guiding us from one place to another and still hold out hope for some semblance of a promised land, however terrestrial it may be.
Ben's symptoms have gotten much worse over the past 2 weeks, hyper, impulsive, tics, argumentative--I can't say much has changed that I can point to as a cause, it is perplexing. However, he is doing great in school--I just had parent-teacher conference with his teacher and he got 8 As, 4 Bs, and one C+ (in composition). It is really fun to hear him speak in and translate Latin--it's his favorite subject. Today we talked about fasting a lot since we're fasting for his dad, and although I know (like his mom) food is the center of his attention, I think he learned a little about subjecting the physical to grow spiritually.
Sophie seems to be good, she can be hard to read. Her reading has really taken off and she is doing well in school, my conference with maw-in-law is Tuesday. The other day she was looking at Ben's report card and said, "I never get Cs. Well, today I got a D, but that was because I forgot I was in science and thought I was at recess." She really enjoys the Little House books we're reading, and wants to start gymnastics, but I just can't add it now. We've missed enough piano lessons in the chaos that we had to take a sabbatical. I feel bad about it, but I'm hoping something will change and magically make things more manageable--that Deus de Machina previously mentioned.
Noah is sweet and barfy. He is doing well at Lucy's daycare but still seems actively troubled at my absence, which is rubbing off on me. It takes him hours before he starts looking me in the eye after I pick him up, and he only warms back up to his usual cuddly self on the weekends. He's terribly smart though, and is doing great in his preschool(s).
Lucy is a woman of her own mind and although she can talk some she doesn't much usually. When she does it is with amazing diction, not sure what that is about. She is a two year old, complete with mood swings and tantrums and meltdowns. She's wonderfully coy and cute and also terribly smart. She seems to see Kari's house (her babysitter) as some kind of wonderful play date most of the time, and even asks to go on weekends. But sometimes she acts like we're pulling her limb from limb. Who can say what's in that little head?
David and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this week, complete with family birthday party on Monday with bowling and Chuck-a-rama buffet (Sophie's pick). We're taking our first weekend away alone since I was pregnant with Noah next weekend, thanks to local grandparents. We're not going far, but it will be nice to rest up and reconnect before another season of crazy with the surgery coming up a week from Tues.
Life has gotten trickier because I've been ordered into therapy by a loving spouse and have been working on some other projects to hopefully help our future stability, so I'm staying up way way too late and thanks to the dumb therapy am far too aware of my feelings than I am normally. My therapist says I repress my feelings. I just think, life is what it is, it's hard, and what's going to happen is what's going to happen, so what does it matter how I feel about it? I've been living with the motto "suck it up and deal" for four years, why stop now?
Apparently the reason to stop is that it makes you certifiably crazy.
Lame, stupid feelings. Very overrated.
Anyway, David also has some irons in the fire, and we need your prayers that one of those will take. Now.
The pace of life is like nothing I've ever had to deal with , but we are very blessed. I feel the Lord guiding us from one place to another and still hold out hope for some semblance of a promised land, however terrestrial it may be.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
'Squito brew
Thanks so much to all of you for the advice. I'll have to check out Cousin Lisa's suggestions, and definitely need to get down to Ikea ASAP. I recently read a report discrediting skin so soft, and also two of the "natural" bug sprays, but who can believe anything anymore. I might as well try it--my backdoor neighbor sells the stuff.
So, here's what I did last night. I found out there is no safe indoor substance for trapping/repelling mosquitos to be found in the standard retail establishment. But, I read that mosquitos hate catnip. I also remembered that my homemade bug spray for the garden is castile soap (same peppermint kind) with some cayenne pepper (and some mashed garlic--blend then strain through cloth). I went out to the garden, where I have PILES of wild catnip, picked two big handfuls of leaves and put them in a blender with some water, added cayenne pepper, strained, added soap and a bit more water to fill the bottle. It was way dark, vibrant green stuff and smelled half minty good and half weird and not good.
I sprayed all the kids walls and around their beds on a light mist (it is VERY green, so too much shows up). The aerosolized cayenne makes for a few minutes of coughing, I intelligently realized afterward. I also shot directly any mosquitoes I saw. If I saturated them, they died instantly, but they may have drowned. If I just persistently misted around where they were, several of them spiraled down, and if they didn't die, they were too slow to fly away while I swatted them. It can't be comfortable, it's basically pepper spray for bugs.
At midnight I checked on the kids. Two mosquitos in Sophie's room (last night was way more) and they were away from her bed on the other side of the room. Sprayed them. One mosquito in Ben's room (way better than last night). Sprayed it. None in hallway, one my bedroom, sprayed.
I woke up hearing mosquito buzzing in the early morning. (BTW, that means that mosquito is VERY close to your ear.) I had only one new bite. Ben had only one new bite. I deemed the effort a success and sprayed around beds again tonight before bed.
Today we rose early and went boating with David's brother Danny, his wife Jessica, Jessica's sweet parents, Paw/Maw in Law, and David's sis Karen (and daughter Morgan, just three weeks older than Noah--they look like twins). I've never ever been boating. I got dragged around by a boat on a tube and on a knee board (although I can't honestly say I was on my knees for that one.) I didn't dare try the skis. It was all fun and I have many bruises and aching muscles to prove it.
So, here's what I did last night. I found out there is no safe indoor substance for trapping/repelling mosquitos to be found in the standard retail establishment. But, I read that mosquitos hate catnip. I also remembered that my homemade bug spray for the garden is castile soap (same peppermint kind) with some cayenne pepper (and some mashed garlic--blend then strain through cloth). I went out to the garden, where I have PILES of wild catnip, picked two big handfuls of leaves and put them in a blender with some water, added cayenne pepper, strained, added soap and a bit more water to fill the bottle. It was way dark, vibrant green stuff and smelled half minty good and half weird and not good.
I sprayed all the kids walls and around their beds on a light mist (it is VERY green, so too much shows up). The aerosolized cayenne makes for a few minutes of coughing, I intelligently realized afterward. I also shot directly any mosquitoes I saw. If I saturated them, they died instantly, but they may have drowned. If I just persistently misted around where they were, several of them spiraled down, and if they didn't die, they were too slow to fly away while I swatted them. It can't be comfortable, it's basically pepper spray for bugs.
At midnight I checked on the kids. Two mosquitos in Sophie's room (last night was way more) and they were away from her bed on the other side of the room. Sprayed them. One mosquito in Ben's room (way better than last night). Sprayed it. None in hallway, one my bedroom, sprayed.
I woke up hearing mosquito buzzing in the early morning. (BTW, that means that mosquito is VERY close to your ear.) I had only one new bite. Ben had only one new bite. I deemed the effort a success and sprayed around beds again tonight before bed.
Today we rose early and went boating with David's brother Danny, his wife Jessica, Jessica's sweet parents, Paw/Maw in Law, and David's sis Karen (and daughter Morgan, just three weeks older than Noah--they look like twins). I've never ever been boating. I got dragged around by a boat on a tube and on a knee board (although I can't honestly say I was on my knees for that one.) I didn't dare try the skis. It was all fun and I have many bruises and aching muscles to prove it.
I had a nice talk with Jane, Jessica's mother (and long time Jr. High principal), and it was refreshing to talk to someone that was so supportive of my working and positive about the good things. If I have to work, which I do, it gets old having everyone mourn over it like there's been a death or something. It's true, lots of good is definitely coming from this change and we all see it already. We all know it's ideal for moms to be at home, but it doesn't benefit me to lament that everyday. It was really nice to have her support, and hey, Jessica turned out very well, so I guess childrearing failure isn't imminent after all.
Anyway, I swam in the lake, I sat on the shore and watched my kids make sandcastles. It was a fabulous, gorgeous day. We applied sunscreen twice and all have splotchy sunburns anyway in random places. We all had a ball, and the kids, having arisen very early, all crashed hard tonight. I'm ready to do the same.
I'll try to do the pictures tomorrow. I owe you many.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Harvest has begun!
Thursday the apricot tree was ripe and we picked them all, and the zucchini is coming in with more every day--they are SO good!
Today I thought I had what I needed for stew and got the meat on during church but came home and realized I had no potatoes or carrots. So, the kids and I headed out to the garden to see what we could put in our stew. I checked the russets, but they were tiny, like a kumquat. I went down to the reds, and they were perfect new potatoes, from an inch to three inches. Many of the pea pods were fat and ready to shell, so we set the kids to work on that. We took some of the 2" carrots that aren't even close to done, just so we could say we had carrots. The stew was fabulous. I never had a just-picked potato before and they taste so real and potatoey. It was just heavenly. Pics are coming.
I love work, the garden is great, the kids are happy and things are looking up. It feels so good to do something I am good at for once, and to be making a positive impact on our situation (also for once). I feel confident that we are on the path the Lord has laid out for us to answer our prayers--sometimes I guess the answer isn't always magic fairy dust but hard work. I feel truly happy for the first time in--so long I can't remember.
Oh, I have learned that although I seriously know hardly anyone here, all the women at church seem to know that I am working and some apparently have reached the conclusion that my husband is not working and is "making" me work so he doesn't have to take a job he doesn' t like. Of course they don't know all the details of our situation or that the bishop (let alone the Lord) are fully on board with our plan, but who needs facts when you've got interesting conjecture? It's amusing that people have enough time on their hands to form judgments on people they don't even know. Maybe they should get jobs.
I am honest when I say this doesn't bother me, but it is interesting to juxtapose my role and mega-activity in E.Pas. with my fringe status here. I didn't realize I was such a liberal--I was a conservative in LA., for heaven's sake!
Just wait two weeks when David is assigned to teach on righteous justifications to go to war as stated in the scriptures, where we learn our current foreign policy is expressly forbidden in the BoM. We're going to make a lot of friends with that one.
Today someone asked in Sunday School, "Who are some modern day Corihors?" (an anti-Christ in the Book of Mormon). And the first thing out of someone's mouth was the name of a recent democratic mayor of SLC. Oh BROTHER.
On that note, everyone I've met here thinks global warming is a hoax. Does that mean miles of ice lost off Greenland and the poles is a hoax? Or sea level rise? It's just weird. Sure, it's been politicized and most proposed solutions are ineffective, but just saying it isn't happening? That takes some real guts--or is it faith?
I saw The Dark Knight last night, you just can't go wrong with Batman. It was an action-packed film with lots of ideas to think about in the battle between good and evil. The question is, can you actively attack and conquer evil without meeting it on it's terms and becoming the evil you are fighting in order to win? Is there such a thing as attacking with goodness? In the global spiritual battle of good vs. evil, I'm thinking just being good and teaching good is the only weapon you can use that doesn't require you to take on some evil yourself, you can't actively go out and beat people over the head with goodness and make them good. The end result (of the film) was that the one doing the good thing will look to the world as if they are evil. There are many scriptures saying that will be true in the last days. It's an interesting thing to think about.
How come thinking hard just brings one to more questions? Well, the good news is God is in charge and there for us in a very personal way in this crazy world. We just can't get through this unscathed without Him. This is why the idea that we have a loving Heavenly Father who we can talk to anytime and anywhere is something we proselyte so heavily as a church--none of us are meant to go through this life alone. For that I am SO grateful.
Today I thought I had what I needed for stew and got the meat on during church but came home and realized I had no potatoes or carrots. So, the kids and I headed out to the garden to see what we could put in our stew. I checked the russets, but they were tiny, like a kumquat. I went down to the reds, and they were perfect new potatoes, from an inch to three inches. Many of the pea pods were fat and ready to shell, so we set the kids to work on that. We took some of the 2" carrots that aren't even close to done, just so we could say we had carrots. The stew was fabulous. I never had a just-picked potato before and they taste so real and potatoey. It was just heavenly. Pics are coming.
I love work, the garden is great, the kids are happy and things are looking up. It feels so good to do something I am good at for once, and to be making a positive impact on our situation (also for once). I feel confident that we are on the path the Lord has laid out for us to answer our prayers--sometimes I guess the answer isn't always magic fairy dust but hard work. I feel truly happy for the first time in--so long I can't remember.
Oh, I have learned that although I seriously know hardly anyone here, all the women at church seem to know that I am working and some apparently have reached the conclusion that my husband is not working and is "making" me work so he doesn't have to take a job he doesn' t like. Of course they don't know all the details of our situation or that the bishop (let alone the Lord) are fully on board with our plan, but who needs facts when you've got interesting conjecture? It's amusing that people have enough time on their hands to form judgments on people they don't even know. Maybe they should get jobs.
I am honest when I say this doesn't bother me, but it is interesting to juxtapose my role and mega-activity in E.Pas. with my fringe status here. I didn't realize I was such a liberal--I was a conservative in LA., for heaven's sake!
Just wait two weeks when David is assigned to teach on righteous justifications to go to war as stated in the scriptures, where we learn our current foreign policy is expressly forbidden in the BoM. We're going to make a lot of friends with that one.
Today someone asked in Sunday School, "Who are some modern day Corihors?" (an anti-Christ in the Book of Mormon). And the first thing out of someone's mouth was the name of a recent democratic mayor of SLC. Oh BROTHER.
On that note, everyone I've met here thinks global warming is a hoax. Does that mean miles of ice lost off Greenland and the poles is a hoax? Or sea level rise? It's just weird. Sure, it's been politicized and most proposed solutions are ineffective, but just saying it isn't happening? That takes some real guts--or is it faith?
I saw The Dark Knight last night, you just can't go wrong with Batman. It was an action-packed film with lots of ideas to think about in the battle between good and evil. The question is, can you actively attack and conquer evil without meeting it on it's terms and becoming the evil you are fighting in order to win? Is there such a thing as attacking with goodness? In the global spiritual battle of good vs. evil, I'm thinking just being good and teaching good is the only weapon you can use that doesn't require you to take on some evil yourself, you can't actively go out and beat people over the head with goodness and make them good. The end result (of the film) was that the one doing the good thing will look to the world as if they are evil. There are many scriptures saying that will be true in the last days. It's an interesting thing to think about.
How come thinking hard just brings one to more questions? Well, the good news is God is in charge and there for us in a very personal way in this crazy world. We just can't get through this unscathed without Him. This is why the idea that we have a loving Heavenly Father who we can talk to anytime and anywhere is something we proselyte so heavily as a church--none of us are meant to go through this life alone. For that I am SO grateful.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Observations on leaving kids to go back to work
- My kids absentmindedly call me "dad" when they want something
- Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I am a pretty hot commodity now and get lots of cuddles.
- Lucy prefers David when she's upset.
- I do tend to spoil a bit more, just as they warn you against.
This week has been hard on everyone, but mainly on my 15 year old cousin, who has watched the kids every day from 1-5 and is a little burned out. My mom has done 7a-1p and actually loves it, and is cleaning my house in the process. She wonders what my problem is that I can't do both. I am really grateful to her and glad she's adjusted to the idea of hanging out with four children without panicking. She is a saint. It is so good to be mothered. I'm sure my kids feel the same way, but at least they are getting mothered by Mommy's Mom.
Today I got home a bit late and Kim, another saint, was feeding my children along with hers, and then she fed me. That was a lifesaver. We came home and reviewed the garden, weeded a bit and set the sprinklers going. And...
I picked my first zucchini!!!
It was an Italian Striped, and a total surprise, I hadn't looked underneath there in several days, so I thought we were still in blossom stage all over the garden. I also picked a globe zucchini--almost the size of a tennis ball, all round and cute, it was buried down in there, too. I picked a small onion and some basil and am going upstairs to fry it up and gobble it down right now. Oh, and I also found a green pepper which I picked, blanched and put in a freezer bag.
I have to keep things picked so they'll keep producing. The chili peppers are kind of wanting to be picked, but I need to decide what I'm going to do with them--freeze, roast and freeze, make salsa verde? Any suggestions?
I have a feeling that soon I'll have a blessing so great that I will not have room to receive it. But, I can always take baskets to work if I get overwhelmed.
Oh, I reviewed my first writing project of about 10 pages with my boss today (which is why I was late home), and he liked my stuff, so that's a weight off. We see eye to eye on style and approach, which is huge. He has promised never to read my blog again, so that's also nice. I also finished a 20 page marketing plan for the remainder of the year today, so let's see if he's up for everything I'm asking for.
David's home tomorrow, we made it!
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