Down with moderation!

Everyone who knows me knows that I do not believe in the idea of "moderation in all things." First of all, if this were true, it would be healthy and legal for me to take a moderate amount of heroin on a daily basis. Second of all, it is only in those manic, bursts of focused energy that I accomplish anything in my life.

Which is why I didn't do anything really this week besides doing web programing and designing new sites and getting ideas for other new sites. I'm in a very creative mood these days, which is fun and also tends to exclude all other activities (except eating chocolate). Maybe I'll fall into a pathetic mopey phase later, but it feels good to be accomplishing things that are tangible and linear and cannot be undone by small people in under five minutes.

It's not that I mind cleaning the kitchen or sweeping the floor, but it is how soon and how often I have to do it again, and again, and again that's the problem. The circular pattern of life is not soothing to me, it is crazy-making. I've had children 8 years and I still find myself thinking, "You need to eat again? Seriously? Three times a day, you say?" Linear, check-off-and-move-on momentum on concrete projects of interest are the barriers between me and the house on the hill and the white jacket.

Am I being a little too open with my mental illness here?

Okay, then we'll move on.

The Suburban Harvest website is up but the forms aren't working. The forms are in a mailto: format which is lamer than lame, but I need to learn a little more before I can fix them.

I taught Relief Society today, covering the intro to the new Joseph Smith manual, his life chronology, plus the first chapter of "Life and Ministry" suffice it to say, we nixed the practice song and still got out 5 minutes late. We reviewed his life and all he accomplished in 24 years before he was killed. For each item in his life, I wrote on one side of the board all that was accomplished (first vision, revelation, restoration of the priesthood, organization of the church and its leadership, temples built and templework begun) and on the other, all the hard stuff (poverty, crop failures, no educational opportunities, loss of children, loss of friends, intense persecution, and eventually being killed). I drew a map of the eastern US on the board and we drew lines for all of his (constant) moving around.

We talked about how the world doesn't understand the impact of the first list, and how it just looks confusing and chaotic from a worldly view. But, once God confirms to you that the restored gospel is true, it's clear that it was truly the long, painful labor to bring the restored church into the world.

In the end, we talked about how just like this random and indirect and painful process that restored the gospel to the earth, our own random, indirect and painful wanderings in life also serve to bring about the purposes for which we were sent here. I think the lesson went well, but it was mainly lecture and not discussion because it was that first lesson with the liturgy of historical facts.

It's real folks, it's true, and if you don't believe me, ask the Lord about it.

Anyway, kids are doing well. Sophie is having this thing where she doesn't want to go to school anymore and it's a fight to get her to go. We are going to Utah on Wednesday, so I've tried to persuade her that the 8 days we're taking off really makes it so we can't miss. She is starting to sing more and has great pitch and memory for songs. I just love singing with her. We listed to Carmen today after church and she was singing along--oh, can I just push on you my life dreams, little daughter?

Ben went with his dad and the scouts on Saturday on a long, 7 mile hike in Joshua Tree. They had a great time, and that kind of thing is so good for him. I realize how fast he'll be grown. David's grandpa said that once you get to 14, it's over. If you haven't taught them what they need to know by then, it's too late, and all you can do is preserve the relationship. I sometimes feel he's already there. But even if that's true, that's only six years from now.

Noah has been out of sorts this week. I think he has a low-level bug, same with Lucy, and me, and David. He cries easily and just looks pale. He refuses to eat anything that is that good for him, as in fruits and veggies. I need to get back to the regular alternating oatmeal and smoothies for breakfast after our trip and focus on their nutrition. We usually aren't hit so hard by the cold/flu season, and I am sure our lax diet is part of the reason.

Lucy, aside from the constantly running nose, come-and-go cough, the come-and-go fevers, is happy and very active, now a big climber, always on top of furniture. Yes, I did take her to the doctor after much harassment from my husband, and the doctor said it was a cold and acted (albeit politely) like I should know better after four kids than to bring her in for that. But like I said, we're not used to being always sick. She's just buzzing around, working hard at nothing, most of the day. She enjoys the park and is very independent.

David is good and sweet. I like him a lot. I totally like him. Do you think he likes me? Ask him if he likes me. No, don't. DON'T. He's totally too cool for me. No way.

So, Next Sunday is the big #15 anniversary. When we got married he was asked on video what he wanted to say to his posterity. He said romantically, "Um, we thought this was a good idea at the time."

As for me, I still think it was a pretty good idea, and if I harass him, he will admit he thinks so, too.