A little reading won't hurt anyone

Thanks for your sweet comments. I'm excited. Choir starts tomorrow.

I've taken a hiatus lately from my political junkie habit, but I did read a good article I'd like to pass along.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/17/opinion/17rich.html

You are well aware of the a tidy little story for the masses--that we know John McCain, the brave veteran and long-time senator, and we don't know B. Hussein Obama--"Is he even 40 yet? Who IS this guy?" People keep putting out this message to create a sense of confusion and mistrust so we can make decisions on characatures of both created by talking heads, not on careful, in-depth study.

First, they are politicians, and mistrust should be par for the course either way.

Still, it's time to share the mistrust. Maybe "POW Republican" is all you need to decide your vote, but here's a little more well-researched background on the other guy we don't know, Mr. McCain.

I have liked McCain for some time, although I still like Obama better. Until the general campaign began and everybody got to extreme pandering, I comforted myself knowing we'd be ok either way. But the man is forgetting basic facts, basic names, basic geography, let alone the details of our international relationships. It makes me very nervous.

Anyway, read it, you won't die.

I've got to get back to tetrachords!

Breaking the Silence

I know I have been a very non-blogging blogger of late. Here is one reason.

When I went back to work, I felt inclined to begin voice study again, and started looking for a teacher more seriously. A short time into work, I got to know a coworker a little better who is also a singer--sings with the Tab, in fact. I have never sung in a (non-church related) choir, as I was a prideful little brat who refused to pay my dues way back in 9th grade and have regretted it ever since. I liked to hear about his choir experiences, but I am a lonely soloist who can't sight-read on the spot, and, as I have always said, "am not a choral singer."

A few days after I had more in depth conversations with this co-worker, I had a very strong prompting that I was to do more choral music. I blew off this prompting as an emotional response to the various choral CDs I had been listening to at work. A day later, I got a similar prompting. Again, attributed it to hormones.

Finally, the third time I felt it, I prayed about it, and decided I would move forward as if it were a real prompting, as that's what it kind of appeared to be. I jumped in to learn what I should do to start, talking with my coworker about advice.

I looked into area choirs and contacted them about auditions. Almost all of them were completing their auditions within days of my first contact. It was with a lax attitude of "what the heck, I'm just following a prompting," that I signed up for a few auditions, all to take place within the next 48 hours.

I spent the next two days doing crash sight-singing drills, and re-memorizing the words to Schubert's "An Die Musik." (Which, before this ordeal, was my favorite German lieder--not so sure now). It just so happened that my first trial voice lesson with my co-workers voice teacher was two hours before my first audition.

Having been without a formal teacher for 8 years, I have formed some bad habits, and that I knew. Although my time with this new teacher was short, I told him of my audition that night. He knew of the choir and knew the director personally. He worked to correct some major issues on the spot, told me what mattered most to that particular director and I left re-remembering how to sing quite a bit better (not just to please sacrament meeting audiences, but in the true Walkyrie sense--think viking horns).

I felt I gave about 50-60% at that audition. I was out of breath from racing there even as I began to sing, and it was just very loose all over the place, IMO. But, since I felt I was following a prompting, I felt fine about going and getting that experience. It's good to be humbled, however uncomfortable it may be, if it makes me feel like working harder.

This first choir I auditioned for was the one I was the most interested in--all classical repertoire, good director to learn from and known in the community.

Well, four days after my audition they invited me to join one of their three choirs--the Women's Chorus. I'm excited, and a little curious about why all the prompting and what the future is about. I'm getting all this sight singing curriculum this week and am just really enjoying it. A musical life would be my greatest dream, so I'm just really grateful that the Lord knows me and is sending me in this direction, putting the right people in my path and giving me just-in-time promptings--even though this specific path isn't one I've previously considered.

So, sight-singing study and preserving the vast offerings from the garden have now taken up all blogging time. But I'm still aiming to keep my Sunday journal.

For me, it's really, really exciting. I just got my acceptance email, so I wanted to share my excitement.

http://www.saltlakechoralartists.org/index.php

Excellent Spam

I may be the last person in the world to see this, but I got some spam from my Aunt the other day and it was remarkable because it was the absolute first piece of email spam meant to be inspiring that I actually found inspiring. For a variety of reasons, I have triathalons on the mind anyway, so that may have been part of it. Still, here you go, unedited spam. Forgive me in advance:

"A son asked his father, 'Dad will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father, despite having a heart condition, said 'yes' They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'yes' to his son's request of going through yet another race together.

"One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.' To which, his father said 'yes' once again. For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile bike ride and ends with a 26.2 mile marathon along the coast of the 'Big' Island in Hawaii. Father and son completed the race together. Please view this:

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=8cf08faca5dd9ea45513 "

pics

Despite the bee concerns, it seems every flower in the garden has a bee in it. This is a round zucchini plant, yummy for slicing and frying or for stuffing.

Children in the Corn: here's Noah, but this pic is a few weeks old, the corn is much bigger now.

This is about a standard harvest every 3 days, in order L to R: Italian striped zucchini, round zucchini, hot peppers, yellow squash, cucumbers, lettuce, chard, red potatoes.

Here's that pie I made way back when we picked the cherries

Ben, tie and pie.
The farm business really does help the kids learn to work--here they are shelling peas--they did a great job harvesting green beans on Saturday (about 4 gallons--my aunt picked the same amount last Saturday, and they are supposed to have a second batch of beans come on before the season ends.

Here is our stew pickings we foraged for on that Sunday a few weeks back, and below, the stew.

Yesterday our friends the Mosses came over for dinner. Carrie and I picked green beans, zucchini, yellow squash, basil, onion and potatoes and then came in and had pork chops (David's contribution), smashed red potatoes, a zucchini/yellow squash/basil/onion/tomato stir fry, fresh white nectarines and creamed green beans. We never eat like that for some reason, it was truly amazing--and except for the pork, all from the garden. Next year it will be al of it, because David and two neighbor men are going to raise pigs. Hm. Oh, to hear one of my favorite songs ever, just go over and visit the Mosses blog.

Things are great--enjoying work, went to the gym every day during lunch, kids doing ok--I think a little unsettled again going from the week together camping to having everyone back to work.

I'm scheming and dreaming as usual, focusing on the goals I want to reach before 40 (3.5 years away), but the schemes are now ridiculous enough I can't even blog about them. :) I like aiming absurdly high--it's exhilarating.

Tomorrow is the day all our major financial stress is supposed to end--everyone gets paid and the budget from here on out is positive--that's definitely exciting, although it does sound like famous last words, doesn't it?

Family night tip of the week--wow, we see so much better results if we have FHE during dinner! Everyone is quiet (eating), and relatively listening. Our last FHE was the first one I can recall where we actually felt the Spirit and things went like they are "supposed to." Ben gave the lesson--it was just great.


I'm nervous for school starting--four kids in four different places--the homework thing. We're starting some music lessons and sports on top of everything. But, I'm trying to prepare and live in the now. Still haven't nailed down a school for Noah, but everyone else is pretty much taken care of.


Despite the FISA and the retarded Cap-n-Trade plan my Obama shares with McCain, he's still my favorite. I realized when I got mad about FISA and took him off my blog some thought he no longer had my vote. 'Tis not so, I'm still reading heavily on it all, and I guess he can't please me on everything.


David taught Gospel Doctrine today and topic was war--he did such a great job. I thought it would be more touchy than it was, but he was able to make some good, scripturally-based bipartisan points. There were a few wacky comments, but overall it was a great meeting and everyone gave great feedback. I realized today that on the days I don't have to play for primary I enjoy the ward and church better. I'm grateful that it is an alternating week schedule, because I also like playing piano.

Tonight I finished my very first hymn arrangement--a duet of "In Humility" (272). My cousin wanted to sing it together in church and I've never seen an arrangement of it. I am so happy with how it turned out! Turns out it probably doesn't have arrangements around because that particular song doesn't allow stuff like that without permission. I just may send it in and ask for permission to post it free on the web, however, I don't feel bad just using it for one Sac. Mtg. It was very rewarding and educational for me.


Sorry this is random. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the pics I've been promising for so long.

xoxox

Some Inspiration and Amusement

Inspiration:

http://www.animalvegetablemiracle.com/Share.html

Amusement:

http://cheaphealthygood.blogspot.com/2008/07/cutting-calories-and-saving-doh-25.html

xoxoxo

What a difference six days makes!

I can't believe how much the garden exploded while I was gone! Much thanks to my dear mother for keeping plants and chickens watered and cared for.

I keep promising pictures, they're piling up. I have over 6' corn, squash plants taking over the place, and a tree full of white nectarines almost ready to pick and freeze--a few are perfectly ripe but most are almost there. Tomatoes are just starting--it was two yesterday, six today. You know where this is headed, I have over fifty tomato plants...

Much thanks to Carrie for lining me up with an arsenal of canning jars.

Have super fevered kids the past three days--Noah almost hit 105 today. Looking forward to having health insurance in 20 days.

I am very grateful to a nice family who talked in church today. Sundays bum me out because, unlike life in Pasadena, I don't look forward to going to church at all, and have onery thoughts much too often. I didn't feel well myself today and wanted to stay home with the sick kids, but couldn't find a sub for the primary piano. That was the Lord getting in the way, because this family with five kids under ten with two working parents were truly kindred spirits. They were open about their trials and experiences and reminded me that the Lord loves and guides each of us individually. When we're open with each other about what we're going through, it really helps other people feel less alone. I'm usually the open person, but today I was the "less alone" person.

Not a vegetarian yet,

Valerie

Rafting

We had a super fun time on the Snake River in Jackson, I think we did 12 runs total, Ben did 8 of them and had a fabulous Big 9 birthday. I did five or six runs I think. David and I did one of them in a two-man canoe (seen above with David and Ben).

I went into the river involuntarily three times over the course of the week, two of which were respectable falls (one was an eddy). The river wasn't too cold so voluntary dunks were pleasant.

Self-reflections

We had to harvest a chicken yesterday because she (a fryer) broke her leg. It was generally uneventful, unpleasant but not traumatic, and not that messy, really.

Well, it sure set me to thinking.

There may be some of you who think I've taken on all this farminess due to an overly idyllic view of farm life, because the old ways were harder and dirtier they must be better. While hard and dirty does have it's benefits to keep us working and humble (and healthier), I didn't go into this thinking it would be fun and games. I wanted to see if I could do it, especially when it came to animals.

I've been carrying around this notion that if I can easily eat animals every day as long as they are neatly refined down to a perfect fillet of protien and wrapped like candy, that I am not being honest with myself. Forget everyone else, for me, I just wanted to look it in the eye and face it and say, "I'm going to eat you." And, if I couldn't, then I think I need to seriously consider eating it, even when someone else does the dirty work.

Take fish. I can catch a fish with a hook in it's face, pull it out of the water, hit it on the head with a pair of pliers, slit it's belly with a knife, scrape out it's guts, fry it in a pan, and eat it up right there--no problem. I feel perfectly at peace with my fish eating. Whatever my line in the sand is between people, pets and food, fish are squarely on the tasty side of it.

So now I understand first hand what it's like to kill a chicken, I know what it is I'm doing when I order an enchilada or a chicken caesar. But it's likely the chicken in those entrees didn't have a carefree life in the backyard up until the last second. They were in a body-sized cage and/or debeaked, living in chicken hell right up until they were sent to chicken heaven.

Now, chickens are dumb. I've been caring for my chickens for almost three months now, and I will give you that. But they are dumb in a sympathic way for me. And dumb doesn't mean you deserve mistreatment. If you are a living thing created by God, some respect is due.

But, in some ways, they are not dumb. For instance, I sometimes come out later than I should to shut the door, and the ubiquitous escaped hen or two is asleep outside the fence. The main rooster is not inside asleep with the others, he's outside in the fenced yard as close as he can get to her, waiting for her to come in so they can go to sleep.

Or, say I pick up a chicken to inspect it. All the other chickens freeze and stare at me, "What's she going to do?" You may think they're worried for their personal safety in the moment. No. They're watching and observing with whatever cataloguing ability those tiny little brains can offer.

Yesterday I went in to get the injured fryer, they all freeze. I take her out of the hen house and around the yard. They all come out then freeze in place, staring at me. I walk away several yards and look back. All staring at me. The crazy telepathic thought comes into my head, "Where's she going with Betty?" Even worse, maybe they have millenia of genetic memory going on in there and they're thinking, "Oh-oh, Betty's got a broken foot, she's dinner tonight."

And here's an interesting observation. Up until yesterday afternoon, they had gotten relatively comfortable with my presence, sometimes escaped hens even letting me pick them up and put them back. Not today. They scattered in a snap when I came in this morning to get as far away as possible. They're not 100% dumb, just 95%.

Yes, and who cares? So chickens have little chicken feelings. It is our God-given right to eat them. Man has been given "dominion" over the animals, who are to be enjoyed "with prudence and thanksgiving," albeit "sparingly." "It is pleasing" to the Lord that they should "not be eaten" but only used "in time of winter or famine," or to "save your lives." (Let me just sloppily paraphrase four books of scripture on the topic.) Animals are ours to do with what we will, but it pleases God when we won't take a life that we don't need to.

The chicken did not die as fast as we'd hoped. Our knife was not as sharp as we thought. Although it felt like an eternity, it was really only a few extra moments. I held the chicken's feet with her head down in the cone and could tell when she was cut, when she was not yet dead after being cut, and when she was dead. I could feel the difference in her muscles between the tension of pain and the nervous dead twitching that would propel the running around headless should we have chosen that method.

I instinctively went to not watch when David made the cut, but I reminded myself that this was the point of the experiment. "If I can't do this, if I can't take it, I don't eat chicken." I won't be the person who can do as I wish as long as I am not faced with the reality of it. I don't want to be a person who will happily wear my $5 Wall-mart t-shirt simply because I don't have to look in the face the starving 7-year-old who sewed it for me.

I had to watch, and realize what a sissy my ancestors would think I am.

I'm not about to go running around judging people on this, because our very way of living in our time and place has wide ramifications and negative impacts on incalculable people past, present and future, and it is frankly an impossible, crazy-making downer to live that way, and immensely hypocritical to look outside oneself on that. But just for me, I needed to know, I want to live consciously as best I can without being incapacitated and alienating everyone I know. If I find out that how I live is at another's expense, I don't want to hide from that.

Now, let's be practical here. That chicken was hurt and in pain and it wouldn't serve anyone to let it sit there. What, would I take it to the vet? Seriously! David and I both agreed that it was good that we had the one to do by itself before "harvest day," so we'd know what to expect and what we want to do differently. The chicken had to go down.

This time, I just skinned it and gutted it, rather than the scalding and the plucking and the singeing, so it was faster. Still, as flint-faced as I went into the thing, I found myself rushing to get the chicken into a familiar state--headless, footless, featherless, hollow and ready to roast--then it wouldn't be the chicken I carried out of the henhouse, it would be just like the pre-wrapped protien products at the store. Then I would feel better.

Then I went to the store later and saw the meat section, but in my head were visions of whole flocks and herds living mostly horrific lives, not enjoying the full amount of their creation, but masses being bred inhumanely to feed insatiable gluttony and waste. I realized then that I may be in for some changes.

The experiment is still inconclusive, but definitely is productive, regardless of the ambiguity. The fact is, at this point, it seems wasteful that I must kill something else to feed myself when I live in a time of plenty with so many other healthy options. And now at least I know I would not be able to stomach harvesting a mammal, even though I read all the chapters on it in my Country Living book and tried to mentally go through it to see if I could deal. That answers that question right there--no.

If it takes denial to do it--if I have to hide myself from the truth of it to make it comfortable to me, then, well--I shouldn't be doing it, right?

Good Day

I found out there is a brand new county gym just mile or so from my work that charges $20 a month for a membership and includes a pool! I went today and it was pretty easy to do on my lunch hour. I'm excited. I'm not joining until after Jackson, though, since we'll be out for a week. So excited!

Tonight I was on my nightly mosquito massacre (the swamp grass juice was making a mess of my walls and is only good for 36 hours before it reeks), and was thinking about how I went to bed at 1 a.m. and got up early and worked all day, doubled what I'd hoped to accomplish there, and worked out at lunch, came home and hung out with the kids and taught a voice lesson (love it!) and how I physically haven't been feeling so great and that I should be miserable.

Yet, I feel like I could keep going for another four hours (and probably will), and am not sobbing in a pint of ice-cream as generally is my wont. I've been like this all week, and more like this over the past month. It is so curious. It could just be that I have a good job and have hope and enjoy how I spend my time, but I also was reminded of the blessing I received just before I started this job, that I would be given an extra measure of strength and shouldn't underestimate myself. I can definitely witness to the truth of that--I'm a whole new person.

My co-workers were excited about being recipients of my spare zucchinis today. They are nice people. We're all writers and designers and don't need to collaborate much, so everyone just sits with headphones on all day in the dark (there are windows, but no one wants overhead lights because especially the artists need contrast of the screen). But sometimes we chat briefly, and they are all just really good people. Everyone I've met has been surprisingly normal and cool.

Every day I listen to hours of my favorite opera singers, and every day at some point I'm weeping over the gorgeousness of it. But it's ok, because my desk faces the corner. Music is true ecstasy sometimes.

It feels good to be happy, and I know I have the Lord to thank for it. Of course we're supposed to be able to be happy regardless of our circumstances, but for me, a little change in circumstances has made a huge difference.

Plus, my sweet friend Jen's husband passed his dissertation defense this week--even with jerky and unreasonable professors! The Lord truly answers prayers!! Yay Jen, on to NH!

xoxoxo

A better day

I had Dave post that thing about the kid earlier because my work blocks a lot of sites and I couldn't get on blogger. I got a call at 8 a.m. from Paw-in-law and realized I may have managed to stress out people just like I was stressed out. Sorry if I did that to you.

I am learning something about myself. When I have tons to do, I get all fired up and am a whirlwind of productive creativity. When I have a lot of downtime or unstructured time, all of a sudden I am a bump on a log. I had all the time in the world to do the personal projects I'm taking on before I went back to work, but was stagnant. Perhaps it was discouragement about things, financial frustration--those things can be paralyzing.

But, if I was all rich and hopped up on Prozac I think I'd still be more motivated by being busy. Isn't that a funny word--business=busy-ness. It makes business seem so inane--the cause of being busy.

At work the new employees had a big 4-hour meeting on the Franklin Covey Four Disciplines of Execution today. I'll be honest, I'm a little burned out on the Covey cult and don't drink the Kool-Aid, if you know what I mean. Mainly because I think he's getting paid too much for stating the obvious, both of which he is, but most of us need the obvious stated and many are willing to pay him for it. So, kudos to him and whatever.

I'll say it. In the end, it was totally great. The whole point was to get tools to bridge the gap between what you want to accomplish and what you actually do, and I felt like I got my mind around the actual concrete things in both my job and my personal life that I can do to get me what I want. I sipped just a bit of the Kool-Aid.

Oh, I wish the camera cable wasn't in where Lucy is sleeping, I have SO many pictures for you, including no less than 20 pounds of produce I picked today. I spent my evening making zucchini bread, grating bags of zucchini for the freezer, roasting chiles--it's a fun time.

Well, it's 11:37, I need to get up at 6 and I still have empires to build tonight, so I'd better go.

Hi, the police found the boy in Farmington on foot at 10:30 p.m. Don’t know any more details.

Long Day

I was told at 3:30 that there was a major wreck on the freeway between my work and my house that would take hours to clear. I was told when I got in the car that another wreck was on the freeway that runs parallel to that freeway right before they join heading toward my house. I spent over an hour going to every major North-South thoroughfare from the far West to the far East of the valley, and they were all dead stopped from SLC all the way up to Bountiful.

I scrounged $5 in nickels and ate in my car at Wendy's. Everything was still blocked. I drove downtown again, everything still blocked. I resigned myself to not seeing my kids today and went to the Family History Center to work on my file until 8 p.m. It still took me an hour to get home because it wasn't opened up very much where the wreck was after five hours.

As I drove home, I heard the news telling me about the earthquake in So Cal, and I pray for you guys that somehow that relieved some pressure and you'll be safe for another 20 years. There was a big fire in the canyon above SLC I could see as I paced the roads. The smoke was pouring over the hill on to the traffic jam and over the wreck area. As I drove home past the refineries that separate SL from Davis counties, I looked through their smoke and smog right as the sun was going down in a dark red sky full of ruby and black thunderclouds. It was all very ominous.

Just as I got home, it was dark enough to put the chickens away--they were already asleep, with the regular two hens outside the door sleeping on the feedbox as usual (having jumped the fence as they do everyday). There was then a knock on the door and a little girl was looking for her brother. A boy from Ben's primary class went for a bike ride a few hours ago and hasn't come home or been seen since. I'm really scared about it, but just hoping he's watching TV with some neighbor somewhere and lost track of time.

If you read this tonight, pray for him, will you?

'Squito brew

Thanks so much to all of you for the advice. I'll have to check out Cousin Lisa's suggestions, and definitely need to get down to Ikea ASAP. I recently read a report discrediting skin so soft, and also two of the "natural" bug sprays, but who can believe anything anymore. I might as well try it--my backdoor neighbor sells the stuff.

So, here's what I did last night. I found out there is no safe indoor substance for trapping/repelling mosquitos to be found in the standard retail establishment. But, I read that mosquitos hate catnip. I also remembered that my homemade bug spray for the garden is castile soap (same peppermint kind) with some cayenne pepper (and some mashed garlic--blend then strain through cloth). I went out to the garden, where I have PILES of wild catnip, picked two big handfuls of leaves and put them in a blender with some water, added cayenne pepper, strained, added soap and a bit more water to fill the bottle. It was way dark, vibrant green stuff and smelled half minty good and half weird and not good.

I sprayed all the kids walls and around their beds on a light mist (it is VERY green, so too much shows up). The aerosolized cayenne makes for a few minutes of coughing, I intelligently realized afterward. I also shot directly any mosquitoes I saw. If I saturated them, they died instantly, but they may have drowned. If I just persistently misted around where they were, several of them spiraled down, and if they didn't die, they were too slow to fly away while I swatted them. It can't be comfortable, it's basically pepper spray for bugs.

At midnight I checked on the kids. Two mosquitos in Sophie's room (last night was way more) and they were away from her bed on the other side of the room. Sprayed them. One mosquito in Ben's room (way better than last night). Sprayed it. None in hallway, one my bedroom, sprayed.

I woke up hearing mosquito buzzing in the early morning. (BTW, that means that mosquito is VERY close to your ear.) I had only one new bite. Ben had only one new bite. I deemed the effort a success and sprayed around beds again tonight before bed.

Today we rose early and went boating with David's brother Danny, his wife Jessica, Jessica's sweet parents, Paw/Maw in Law, and David's sis Karen (and daughter Morgan, just three weeks older than Noah--they look like twins). I've never ever been boating. I got dragged around by a boat on a tube and on a knee board (although I can't honestly say I was on my knees for that one.) I didn't dare try the skis. It was all fun and I have many bruises and aching muscles to prove it.

I had a nice talk with Jane, Jessica's mother (and long time Jr. High principal), and it was refreshing to talk to someone that was so supportive of my working and positive about the good things. If I have to work, which I do, it gets old having everyone mourn over it like there's been a death or something. It's true, lots of good is definitely coming from this change and we all see it already. We all know it's ideal for moms to be at home, but it doesn't benefit me to lament that everyday. It was really nice to have her support, and hey, Jessica turned out very well, so I guess childrearing failure isn't imminent after all.

Anyway, I swam in the lake, I sat on the shore and watched my kids make sandcastles. It was a fabulous, gorgeous day. We applied sunscreen twice and all have splotchy sunburns anyway in random places. We all had a ball, and the kids, having arisen very early, all crashed hard tonight. I'm ready to do the same.

I'll try to do the pictures tomorrow. I owe you many.

Where did the week go?

I am off to Target to find out if there is such a thing as a mosquito killer/repellant you can put indoors. Everything I've seen says outdoors only, and the bug spray I bought to put on the kids basically says on the back, "Don't put this on anything or anyone at anytime." Let alone let small children sleep covered in it night after night.


The kids leave the doors hanging open half the day and our house is full of mosquitoes that come out at night. Last night I spent 45 minutes with a wet towel whacking all the ones in my bedroom so I wouldn't spend another night being eaten alive (complete with dreams of being eaten alive). I finally felt like I had all those in my room and went into the hall to check the kids rooms. The hall had TEN mosquitoes on the walls and ceiling. Sophie's room had 8. I turned on the light in Ben/Noah's room and up on the wall by the top bunk where Ben sleeps was no less than 7 mosquitoes, right next to him. I killed one and it left a Ben-blood spatter on the wall.



Ben is covered in bites and sores (because he won't stop scratching them). He looks like he has chicken pox. Most of them are from sleeping, not from being outside! The bug spray I bought today said don't put on skin with any cuts or scrapes. Great.



Sophie looks like she has teenager acne, with bumps all over her face. The bug spray I bought said don't put on kid's faces except for very, very sparingly if at all.



It's really very frustrating to not feel like I can protect the kids. We can do mosquito nets, but they are $35 a piece for one that goes around the whole bed but still lets them crawl out (not tucked under the mattress). We may have two incomes now, but we won't be feeling like we do for a good six weeks, so that's not going to happen either.



Advice?

Oh, I do have advice for what to do after you have been bitten, and it's works like a charm--soap!! We use Trader Joes Pure castile soap with peppermint (liquid), and put a drop on the bite and rub it in. A minute or so later, the itching stops, and it actually helps heal the bite--sometimes I can't even find the bite if I put this on fast enough. Just rubbing a wet bar of soap on it works too, but I like the TJ stuff.

The 24th (Pioneer Day--State Holiday) was fun, complete with pancake breakfast at the park, games, fair rides, cotton candy, snow cones, pony rides, and the fondly remembered "tiger paws," now called "Brigham's Frybread." The booths and signs hadn't changed from 20 years ago. We watched an indian play a flute and a lady spin wool by hand and on a spinning wheel.

The night before I took the kids to the Bountiful parade in front of my grandma's residential living facility. They had a great time and it was raining candy, popsicles and toys. I did have a moment at the parade where I realized I was not only watching the same parade I grew up watching, but I was watching it practically at ground zero in what I fondly call the "Triangle of Pain." I tried to put that out of my head and enjoy it anyway, and was pretty successful.

Melodramatic, I know, but even though I live here, there is a large swath in the middle of town I avoid at all costs. Unfortunately that swath includes both the library and my grandma's place, although only the former holds bad memories. I call it a triangle, but I'm not sure if it is. Let's do a brief experiment. There. In David's mapping program, I marked all the places I avoid because of unpleasant associations or violent nausea--old schools, places of humiliation, certain people's homes, my homes--and voila! Almost a triangle it is! Happily, my house, the inlaws and my mom are all outside (and on opposite sides) of the triangle. I always drive around.


David and I have discussed the downsides of living in your childhood town, but boo hoo, we're both fine.

I argue that an unhappy childhood makes for an interesting adult. At least I hope so.

My 101st Post

Highlights of today--found two (big) cucumbers I hadn't seen before, the first, and ate one of them with salt on the spot. Came up with a good PR idea at work which people liked. Dreamed about how I want to start this or that business. Wrote several new blogs I never intend to start in my head. Listened to two full operas at work (we can have headphones), one of which brought me to tears. Found a new voice teacher for myself. Talked to some friends on the phone. Watched a flash-flood thunderstorm come down out the window at work. Ate sweets.

Downside was when Sophie dramatically and accusingly told me that she was forgetting she even has a mommy lately (yesterday I got another version of this statement from her), and when I came home David rushed downstairs to get some work done and I was left with three children fighting over my lap and crying for attention while Ben tried to talk over it to tell me about his day. Also, I ate sweets, and I'm up 10 lbs since moving here! I wanted to buy a cow, not be one!

Yesterday my friends the Hunters came over which was super fun--I love being in a place all my long-lost friends come to visit.

Things are good. My husband has the hardest part, because we both have identical income quotas and he has to make his while watching the kids all day and then working into the night. That's modern living, I guess. He's a good man.

PS. There was actually an article outing that funny blog I mentioned below, if you want to know who is really writing it.

Harvest has begun!

Thursday the apricot tree was ripe and we picked them all, and the zucchini is coming in with more every day--they are SO good!

Today I thought I had what I needed for stew and got the meat on during church but came home and realized I had no potatoes or carrots. So, the kids and I headed out to the garden to see what we could put in our stew. I checked the russets, but they were tiny, like a kumquat. I went down to the reds, and they were perfect new potatoes, from an inch to three inches. Many of the pea pods were fat and ready to shell, so we set the kids to work on that. We took some of the 2" carrots that aren't even close to done, just so we could say we had carrots. The stew was fabulous. I never had a just-picked potato before and they taste so real and potatoey. It was just heavenly. Pics are coming.

I love work, the garden is great, the kids are happy and things are looking up. It feels so good to do something I am good at for once, and to be making a positive impact on our situation (also for once). I feel confident that we are on the path the Lord has laid out for us to answer our prayers--sometimes I guess the answer isn't always magic fairy dust but hard work. I feel truly happy for the first time in--so long I can't remember.

Oh, I have learned that although I seriously know hardly anyone here, all the women at church seem to know that I am working and some apparently have reached the conclusion that my husband is not working and is "making" me work so he doesn't have to take a job he doesn' t like. Of course they don't know all the details of our situation or that the bishop (let alone the Lord) are fully on board with our plan, but who needs facts when you've got interesting conjecture? It's amusing that people have enough time on their hands to form judgments on people they don't even know. Maybe they should get jobs.

I am honest when I say this doesn't bother me, but it is interesting to juxtapose my role and mega-activity in E.Pas. with my fringe status here. I didn't realize I was such a liberal--I was a conservative in LA., for heaven's sake!

Just wait two weeks when David is assigned to teach on righteous justifications to go to war as stated in the scriptures, where we learn our current foreign policy is expressly forbidden in the BoM. We're going to make a lot of friends with that one.

Today someone asked in Sunday School, "Who are some modern day Corihors?" (an anti-Christ in the Book of Mormon). And the first thing out of someone's mouth was the name of a recent democratic mayor of SLC. Oh BROTHER.

On that note, everyone I've met here thinks global warming is a hoax. Does that mean miles of ice lost off Greenland and the poles is a hoax? Or sea level rise? It's just weird. Sure, it's been politicized and most proposed solutions are ineffective, but just saying it isn't happening? That takes some real guts--or is it faith?

I saw The Dark Knight last night, you just can't go wrong with Batman. It was an action-packed film with lots of ideas to think about in the battle between good and evil. The question is, can you actively attack and conquer evil without meeting it on it's terms and becoming the evil you are fighting in order to win? Is there such a thing as attacking with goodness? In the global spiritual battle of good vs. evil, I'm thinking just being good and teaching good is the only weapon you can use that doesn't require you to take on some evil yourself, you can't actively go out and beat people over the head with goodness and make them good. The end result (of the film) was that the one doing the good thing will look to the world as if they are evil. There are many scriptures saying that will be true in the last days. It's an interesting thing to think about.

How come thinking hard just brings one to more questions? Well, the good news is God is in charge and there for us in a very personal way in this crazy world. We just can't get through this unscathed without Him. This is why the idea that we have a loving Heavenly Father who we can talk to anytime and anywhere is something we proselyte so heavily as a church--none of us are meant to go through this life alone. For that I am SO grateful.

Observations on leaving kids to go back to work

1. My kids absentmindedly call me "dad" when they want something
2. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I am a pretty hot commodity now and get lots of cuddles.
3. Lucy prefers David when she's upset.
4. I do tend to spoil a bit more, just as they warn you against.

But, I am getting more into the groove, and less in that psychological shock of "Oh no! I'm a working mom!" I seem to be shifting gears well between work and home.

This week has been hard on everyone, but mainly on my 15 year old cousin, who has watched the kids every day from 1-5 and is a little burned out. My mom has done 7a-1p and actually loves it, and is cleaning my house in the process. She wonders what my problem is that I can't do both. I am really grateful to her and glad she's adjusted to the idea of hanging out with four children without panicking. She is a saint. It is so good to be mothered. I'm sure my kids feel the same way, but at least they are getting mothered by Mommy's Mom.

Today I got home a bit late and Kim, another saint, was feeding my children along with hers, and then she fed me. That was a lifesaver. We came home and reviewed the garden, weeded a bit and set the sprinklers going. And...

I picked my first zucchini!!!

It was an Italian Striped, and a total surprise, I hadn't looked underneath there in several days, so I thought we were still in blossom stage all over the garden. I also picked a globe zucchini--almost the size of a tennis ball, all round and cute, it was buried down in there, too. I picked a small onion and some basil and am going upstairs to fry it up and gobble it down right now. Oh, and I also found a green pepper which I picked, blanched and put in a freezer bag.

I have to keep things picked so they'll keep producing. The chili peppers are kind of wanting to be picked, but I need to decide what I'm going to do with them--freeze, roast and freeze, make salsa verde? Any suggestions?

I have a feeling that soon I'll have a blessing so great that I will not have room to receive it. But, I can always take baskets to work if I get overwhelmed.

Oh, I reviewed my first writing project of about 10 pages with my boss today (which is why I was late home), and he liked my stuff, so that's a weight off. We see eye to eye on style and approach, which is huge. He has promised never to read my blog again, so that's also nice. I also finished a 20 page marketing plan for the remainder of the year today, so let's see if he's up for everything I'm asking for.

David's home tomorrow, we made it!

Single Mothers, I salute you!

I'm a single working mom this week, and have lots of support from my mom and cousin, but seriously, I am wasted. If this were really my life I'd have to use this time to pick up the house, do bills, etc. Since I'm just faking for a few days, I'm just holding my breath until Friday. It has been a trick just staying awake until sundown so I can go put the chickens in without a fight.

Lord, please help my husband live a long time and not do anything to make me have to divorce him!

I hear that life is good

My husband's work has been really picking up, and here I have a job and stuff. We have this fabulous house and two big gardens, and two kittens and a full hen house. I have a zucchini plant up to my waist. On Saturday I weeded for 4 hours, picked all the cherries (made a pie today), planted carrots and radishes, organic bug-sprayed the grapes and potatoes, and generally farmed.

On Friday I went to a Marketing Department retreat, and we spent the morning learning about our communication styles (mine: apparentely I'm a shapeshifter, whatever works in the moment), and our strengths (mine: Learner, Ideation, Futurist, Relator and Activator--all made-up words that mean I live in my head and in the future, relate to people and love to start stuff). Then we rode horses in a gorgeous canyon for a few hours. I ended the day knowing (and liking) my team quite a bit. Plus, I'm getting in to the actual work part of my job now the training part is wrapping up, so I'm looking forward to my week and know what I'll be doing.

As much as I wanted David to get another job, I realize this job makes it so we don't have to scramble to take care of the kids and house, it pays well (when there's work) and makes him available to do some other things that may be useful to him down the road. It makes it so we can both work without having the kids taken care of by non-parents (except when David is traveling).

But I talked to my pal Lori yesterday and was all, "But what about [whine whine]," and she clearly explained how perfect everything is, and how we're being allowed to have this great lifestyle even though we haven't fixed everything yet, and how now we have this great situation to get everything put together. I left that call totally woken up to how completely ungrateful and unaware I was being--there is clearly a plan.

I'll just say it, judge me, whatever, but I don't miss being at home when I'm at work. I like doing what I'm good at, I don't like doing what I'm bad at. I sometimes lament that what I'm good at has no eternal significance, and what I'm bad at is critical for eternity, but hey, there it is. I love my kids, I love my family. I'm a crap housekeeper and the day to day of homemaking makes me mentally ill. I'm messed that way. Apparently God knows me, I'm His creation after all, and he's arranging my life accordingly for now I guess.

The thing about that "strengths" exercise was there's a place in the "Strengthsfinder" book that explained that it is inefficient to constantly focus on your weaknesses. Sure, you need to bring them up to a level they don't destroy your life or overshadow your strengths, but if you are a natural 2 at something and put a ten effort, you will still be a 20, whereas if you work on the stuff you are a 9 at and try just as hard, you will be a 90. Think Michael Jordan, who was a 10 talent and 10 effort. He tried baseball, and he was no 10 talent, so he couldn't come up with the same result.

The American dream is about overcoming odds and weaknesses, our culture is obsessed with our weaknesses. And we're all about equal opportunity and saying to our kids that they can be anything they want if they try hard enough--but life is so much easier when you try hard enough with something that is already a talent for you. We've said that the Chinese and Russian communist states were oppressive because they take kids who show talent in something at a young age and direct them into that career permanently. Maybe that's extreme, but I also think it is oppressive to spend my life fighting against weaknesses and ignoring my strengths. We all have both, which do you want to spend your life thinking about?

Well, you had me going there for a minute.

I'm sure you saw this coming, and if you didn't, you hoped it would, but I need to step back from my outspoken support of my sweetie Barack today, who as of now I'm still supporting but he's officially off the blog. I can't deal that he stood next to McCain to pass the FISA issue (to give phone companies immunity for helping the government to conduct illegal wire tapping for Our Pres). I know the candidates have to move center during the general election, and I LOVE the center, don't get me wrong, but he's picking the wrong center for me. I can't get excited about it.

It's not enough to get me to support McCain, who was off partying like a frat boy and burning people in effigy at the crazy Bohemian Grove this weekend with the rest of the Republican power mongers. (I linked for you, but seriously, don't read about it too much because it will mess you up--there's some sick stuff you just don't want to know about the people who lead our country.)

So, I'm not entirely giving up hope, but can't actively support where he's going right now.