Mirror Lake

We were going to go with Anita and Bob and my mom up to Mirror Lake in late August so they could teach my kids to fish.  We were sad to go without them, but it was beautiful up there.  David was travelling and it was just my mom and I and the four kids, not all of which were helpful or cooperative at any given time.  There was much more rain than I'd wish for, and I swore by the end I'd never do it again.  But now, eight months later when I look at the pictures, it looks like it was a fun time. Maybe I could be duped into it in the future.  We got to fish sitting on the same rock my grandpa did with my mom when she was a little girl.  I just have to figure out how to make it work, but there's a chance I'd do it again.

Run faster! Or not.

Mosiah 4:27:And see that all these things are done in wisdom and ^aorder; for it is not requisite that a man should run ^bfaster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.


Of course this scripture doesn't apply to me, and probably not to you.  We have too much to do. Clearly this scripture was written before the 24-hour stresses of daily modern life evolved and now literally demand that we run, process and accomplish tasks as fast as our computers can—the robots set the pace. What I'm sure the scripture meant was, Do not run faster than the strength:

1. you wish you had
2. you once had, ten, twenty or thirty years ago.
3. you think you should have if only you would try harder
4. you imagine everyone else has
5. you would have if you had less stress and enough money
6. you had in that one instant where you were your strongest ever
7. your kids have
8. your delusional supermom fantasies lead you to believe you have
9. all those inspirational famous people appear to have
10. the robots.

This past week, during a little informal dieting support group I attend, I was told by others that I needed to slow down, take an occasional break, and maybe let up on some of the pressures I put on myself.  It was even suggested that I stop stressing about diet stuff altogether for a little while. My knee-jerk response to this was to wave it off.  I've done lots of things at once, I'm a veteran multi-tasker. After the past ten years of almost constant chaos, upheaval and stress, I can now look death in the face and laugh. Hah!

Plus, if I slowed down, it's possible that any burdens I took off myself would simply be replaced by the guilt of doing so. So, why bother?

But after more thought, I realized that, although trials do make us stronger, I'm at a weak point right now. I get tired, emotionally and physically, more often at this moment in my life, for whatever reason. Perhaps I did need to readjust my expectations. I don't think my schedule is that busy right now, honestly it feels like most of the pressure is actually coming from inside my own head (be better, faster, stronger!), but let's take a look.

My list probably looks a lot like most people's in my stage of life.  If I do everything I'm supposed to do in a day, it looks like this:

• Feed people (3x)
• Dishes
• Laundry
• Daily job (M-Kitchen, T-Bathrooms, W-Living Areas, H-Bedrooms, F-Van/yard)
• Scriptures (usually done by audio while multitasking)
• Check Bills/finances
• Prayer (2x+) (usually in the shower--multitasking again)
• Track/plan food
• Kid shuffling: Homework, chores, piano practice, Activity Days, scouts, piano, tae kwon do
• Music Practice: voice (U admission auditions 2/27), learn UCA music, piano proficiency exam prep, children's choir prep
• Exercise
• Kid love: Cuddle and talk with kids, not about homework, chores or piano 
• Husband time 
• Service (VT, temple, trying to listen to the Spirit about who/what needs me, etc.)
• Try to make some money 
• Journal/Write
• Quiet meditation (Hah. This generally doubles as "sleep.")

No surprise, I don't often get to the things toward the bottom of the daily list, the things that make me and my family more happy, sane and less stressed financially.  When I focus on the business of home and family and getting the absolute necessities taken care of, when I finally get to my own shower and am ready to at last get to work on the rest, it's about 11:30 p.m. and I crash. 

Also, if my mind just revolts, and I sit down to rest or think in a quiet place for a minute, which is happening involuntarily more and more these days, there is always something that theoretically should be filling that time. No vacancies in the schedule allowed.

  

I know this is almost a universal problem with women in my place in life. I know we are supposed to simplify, yet my family and home need almost constant attention, I've felt direction from the Lord on the path I'm taking  with music even though that takes time. I just can't see quite where I'm supposed to cut.

Then again, what's not on my list, but takes a ton of my time and mental energy, is fruitless, tail-chasing anxiety, wall-staring panic, and Tetris-playing despair. Somehow, I never book enough time in the day to allow for these time hogs.

President Uchdorf said on this great talk on the subject: 

Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives. 

It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks...

...My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will establish the basis of a rich and fruitful mortal life with promises of eternal happiness.

In that same talk, President Uchdorf said that our relationships with God, our family, our fellowman, and ourselves, are the top priorities. The first task of the first priority, our relationship with God, was, in fact, quiet meditation, the neglected item at the bottom of my list:

Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study...these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father. Let us heed the invitation in Psalms: “Be still, and know that I am God.” 

So, as I approach these last two husbandless weeks of bar prep and stress, I am going to make a commitment to myself to a sort of mental/spiritual/physical refocus, not with a longer to-do list, but by making the last first, beginning each day with quiet prayer and study to get inspiration for the day. Maybe that would help me minimize the unscheduled time-hogs (anxiety, panic, despair) by replacing all that paralyzing fear with some faith.  And I think I'll put some kid love time before the kid shuffling time each day.

The Creator of the universe manages everything in order and love, so it only makes sense that as I face my own to-do list each morning, that I consult with Him first. 

Sunday Update

Ben and Noah had a great time with dad on the Father/Son Campout this past weekend, despite below-freezing overnight temperatures and Noah falling in the river.  Apparently they went through bags of marshmallows in the traditional "mallow-as-torch" game, and Noah made his own gourmet 'smore complete with fire-blackened mallows.

The girls got pedicures and dinner and then my sweet mom gave me 18 hours of total solitude, taking the girls home to sleep over.  That was weird and wonderful.  I got all the carrots, radishes, broccoli, more peas, onions and all the potatoes in--7 varieties in all.  So strange to start a task and work it to completion without interruptions.  But of course, we are working on not having the children be seen as interruptions but the project itself, right?

Still, it was great.  We had lots of luck with red potatoes in our first year here, so I did some of those, California Whites, Norkota Russets, and some lovely "All-Reds" with pink flesh.  I talked about potatoes a few years ago, but I am still amazed by the process--a seed potato is just a potato with lots of eyes--you cut each into chunks, at least an inch around, with 1-2 eyes a piece, let them dry in the shade a bit (mine dried in 8 hours with a fan) and pop them in the ground, eyes up.  Each plant can make 6 potatoes, and on many of the seed potatoes, I got six pieces to plant.  Pretty good returns there.

It felt so good to get my hands dirty again, although today I remembered the exhaustion that comes after a farm day.  So tired!  I'm having trouble uploading pics for some reason, so I will do it through email after this post.

Ben is getting into a more pre-teen seriousness, but has finally mastered his paper route (finishes before Scouts without any help from me!) and he's a good student and a hard worker. I love him so much but somehow am always furious with him. He makes me nuts--probably because he's so much like I was and I want to spare him the problems I had.  But, I'm trying.  He's my first little guy and I want the world for him. 

Sophie is a sweet chatterbox.  She helped me get the chick pen split for mother hen to take the other side tonight--not usually a Sunday activity, but I saw a rodent in the coop today because the door was open and was nervous about the chicks being in there another night.  The cats make it so I rarely see those things (alive, anyway) but we do have plenty of fields around us and I know they're out there.  A rat can eat chicks, although I think the thing I saw scutter by so quickly was a mouse.  But I didn't want to risk it. Sophie was a great help out there and I really enjoyed her company.  I'm looking forward to more of that.  If I can just keep her home--she is always trying to leave and play elsewhere.  You'll think I'm being too hard on myself when I say I think it is because we have too much craziness and yelling and inter-kid fighting in our house.  But I think that because she said so much.

Ben and Sophie are starting with a new piano teacher (other than me) next month--we have friends that take from her and she is pretty hardcore, but turns out amazing pianists.  I'm excited about that.  They also are both in Tae Kwon Do--Ben is high-brown and Sophie is orange belt.  They both go to Capitol Hill Academy, which we love, and Noah will start there next year.  I've almost finished their website, check it out!

Lucy and Noah do preschool at a popular neighborhood in-home school and go to what we call "Monkeynastics" for some reason.  We'd taken a break for the holidays and are barely getting back to it.  After two weeks in the pre-K/K class, Noah got booted to the 6 YO boy class--he can do amazing things--the fastest cartwheel I've ever seen!  Lucy got bumped to the second level Pre-K/K because, they said, "She's fearless."  This week we are going to visit a "Twinkle Class" with the local Suzuki violin teacher and get them on her 16-month waiting list. 

I always said my kids would do a sport and an instrument but I have to admit I pick sports that don't require enormous investments of time or cash.  I cram all the activities on one or two days so I can be a homebody on the others.

Popcorn really is popping all over the trees these days--although not yet on the apricot tree--and Lucy wants to sing that song many times a day.  Sometimes she let's me sing that instead of Jingle Bells at bedtime.  A nice breather there.

Noah and Ben have their own rooms now, and WOW!  They both have clean rooms!  The roommate situation made for a trashed room 100% of the time.  Apparently they both just needed space.  Finally Noah is free to just build and play cars on his car rug in his own room--it definitely was a good move for everyone.  He is such a little sweetie.

David's been a bit under the weather but in improved spirits because I am now home to make sure he eats meals and takes vitamins--no kidding, a noticeable change.  I've enjoyed having him home an extra week and just want to say that the iPhone is great for a marriage--texting random thoughts, playing the "Words With Friends" app together (you can't call it Scrabble!), sharing pics of what we're doing with the kids, or his meal when he goes to a new crazy hamburger joint back East.  Now I ALWAYS know what state he is in--both geographically and mentally.  So, thanks, Steve Jobs!

There's the family for this week.