aren't working. Feel like warmed over death, as mom used to say. Lump bigger. Doctor running more tests at hospital tomorrow. PTO at work running out. It's been four weeks today since the surgery. I'm remembering the words of the blessing David gave me right before I had the surgery, that I would be able to "endure" what would happen. Odd at the time, but not so much now, looking back. Thanks for your nice words, just giving an update.
Removing grumpy self from blogosphere,
Valerie
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Complications II
So I was doing a little better and starting to get up and around, just tired. I was taking massive doses of Vitamin C because they said it would speed healing, and that appears to be true, the incision opening has been healing from the inside out nicely. So when I started feeling flu-like symptoms on Thursday I thought there is no way I could be getting sick with all this Vit. C. But it just got worse, with headaches and backaches and then whole body aches and chills and sweats and then this lump on my stomach above the incision started growing quickly and by last night was big and hard and red and hot to the touch. So apparently I had an infection and had to go back to the hospital. My mom is a chemist/microbiologist at Lakeview Hospital here in Bountiful and she was concerned because infections, especially around your guts (vs. a hand or leg, etc.) can spread very quickly and get scary, so she made me go to the ER. I'm glad I did, because they told me it was a good thing I came in. I had to get some crazy nuclear-bomb style IV antibiotics and they had to cut me open a little bit (1/2" cut, 3" deep) to let whatever was in there drain out. They filled it with packing and now I have yet a new hole in my body that needs to close up before I can return to normal ife. Gross, I know. My mom took me home to her house at 2 a.m. after we left the hospital so I could have some undisturbed sleep (something that doesn't exist at my house), and I slept until 11 when David finished teaching Sunday School and came and got me. We've made arrangements to have everyone shuffled around for the next couple of days, because before all this happened David had committed to go to WA state for a quick business trip, so he left this afternoon and is returning Monday night. He feels guilty, but we couldn't have anticipated this.
Anyway, I am assuming this eventually will end and I'll feel/be better, but until then, it's back a few steps.
I did order chicks (they come in two weeks) and got all my seeds in the mail. David tilled the gardens Friday and my mom planted peas yesterday (my mom is so great.) The neighbors who moved in just behind us are going to work with us on our animals and garden, which is a huge help since I can't do anything but place orders with people right now. A sad thing, because we got all commercial chickens last year (these new ones are heritage breeds) I'm having problems with my fryers that I didn't kill. I kept 4 fryer hens alive to see if they'd lay, and although they eat too much, they lay gorgeous, huge brown eggs. Well, I'd neglected to think about how fryers are bred to be killed before 12 weeks. Like the huge-breasted thanksgiving turkeys, who literally can't stand up if they are allowed to live after a certain time and are completely unable to mate and be bred naturally--these commercial meat animals can't live healthy past a young age because of our greedy selection of unhealthy animal strains for maximum meat. So our tremendously fat, waddling fryers are getting red, raw stomachs from their dragging on the ground. I knew it wasn't cost-effective to keep them, but loved how funny they look when they run and the gorgeous brown eggs, but now it just seems mean--they aren't designed to live this long (they are 10-11 mos old). A healthy, normal chicken breed can live 12-15 years. although generally laying hen flocks are replenished each year with new chicks and older hens are taken out of commission after their prime laying years (age 3-4). Anyway, that's just sad. So, David's going to have to take them out next week with the help of neighbor Dan, who, although we are novices ourselves, wants to work along side us to learn what we've been doing.
All that farmy stuff cheers me up, as I am generally anti-social, depressed and under-estrogened these days, the first two probably being due to the last one.
Anyway, consider yourself updated. Back to bed for me.
Anyway, I am assuming this eventually will end and I'll feel/be better, but until then, it's back a few steps.
I did order chicks (they come in two weeks) and got all my seeds in the mail. David tilled the gardens Friday and my mom planted peas yesterday (my mom is so great.) The neighbors who moved in just behind us are going to work with us on our animals and garden, which is a huge help since I can't do anything but place orders with people right now. A sad thing, because we got all commercial chickens last year (these new ones are heritage breeds) I'm having problems with my fryers that I didn't kill. I kept 4 fryer hens alive to see if they'd lay, and although they eat too much, they lay gorgeous, huge brown eggs. Well, I'd neglected to think about how fryers are bred to be killed before 12 weeks. Like the huge-breasted thanksgiving turkeys, who literally can't stand up if they are allowed to live after a certain time and are completely unable to mate and be bred naturally--these commercial meat animals can't live healthy past a young age because of our greedy selection of unhealthy animal strains for maximum meat. So our tremendously fat, waddling fryers are getting red, raw stomachs from their dragging on the ground. I knew it wasn't cost-effective to keep them, but loved how funny they look when they run and the gorgeous brown eggs, but now it just seems mean--they aren't designed to live this long (they are 10-11 mos old). A healthy, normal chicken breed can live 12-15 years. although generally laying hen flocks are replenished each year with new chicks and older hens are taken out of commission after their prime laying years (age 3-4). Anyway, that's just sad. So, David's going to have to take them out next week with the help of neighbor Dan, who, although we are novices ourselves, wants to work along side us to learn what we've been doing.
All that farmy stuff cheers me up, as I am generally anti-social, depressed and under-estrogened these days, the first two probably being due to the last one.
Anyway, consider yourself updated. Back to bed for me.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Did I give you my Moby Wrap?
I loaned it to someone or gave it to someone who probably is done using it and now Doris needs it. Who was it? Was it you? Have you seen someone using a blue Moby Wrap in the last year who knows me? I use the word "my" loosely, because it's really Lisa's (AKA Anonymous in the comments :) Just putting it out there--my willingness to give away my stuff and my forgetfulness are an unhelpful combination. Congrats to Doris who finally named her two-week-old baby! Love you!
Sigh
I watched a clip from "The Crash" from PBS this morning and have been ruminating about where things are going with this crazy world. I couldn't agree more with Megan's post today (and LOVED the videos). There's no point in worrying about it, we just need to do what we can to take care of ourselves, our own friends and families.
The bailout news everyday makes me sick to my stomach, "The Crash" explains it perfectly, although he takes 30 minutes to do what he could in 5 and is self-important about it, but the bailouts are just so wrong. We are trying to prop up a way of life that was unsustainable on so many levels.
I don't regret my support of Obama, I guess I felt like if the plane's going down I wanted the pilot to be calm, a good communicator, intellectually engaged, well-read and open to many options. But in the face of what we're dealing with, the policies of the left are just as destructive in different ways as the policies of the right, and I get almost as angry and frustrated reading the paper as I did before, but I guess my vote helped pay for that "almost." I guess we just got to choose which brand of bad choices would lead us down the toilet.
Sorry to be so negative about it--if you are still looking on the sunny side and seeing stocks as nothing but bargains right now, please go read another blog with my blessing. :)
Well, at least we can still have our sense of humor about it. I stole this relevant video (also from Megan's blog), laughed myself silly every time I watched it.
The bailout news everyday makes me sick to my stomach, "The Crash" explains it perfectly, although he takes 30 minutes to do what he could in 5 and is self-important about it, but the bailouts are just so wrong. We are trying to prop up a way of life that was unsustainable on so many levels.
I don't regret my support of Obama, I guess I felt like if the plane's going down I wanted the pilot to be calm, a good communicator, intellectually engaged, well-read and open to many options. But in the face of what we're dealing with, the policies of the left are just as destructive in different ways as the policies of the right, and I get almost as angry and frustrated reading the paper as I did before, but I guess my vote helped pay for that "almost." I guess we just got to choose which brand of bad choices would lead us down the toilet.
Sorry to be so negative about it--if you are still looking on the sunny side and seeing stocks as nothing but bargains right now, please go read another blog with my blessing. :)
Well, at least we can still have our sense of humor about it. I stole this relevant video (also from Megan's blog), laughed myself silly every time I watched it.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sorry to be on the gross-out brigade, but this is freaky stuff
I’m going to show this to my son to scare him into washing his hands more often. I’m also less inclined than ever to eat pork.
From: Dede Burton (my aunt)
Subject: Fw: Scary stuff - WASH your hands....
If nothing else will make you wash your hands, this will.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Campaign 2012 Begins . . .
Finally, a conservative who remembers that small government was a key part of the platform. After so many big-spend, big-government conservatives (McCain and Obama were all hand in hand about these stimulus/bailouts) it's nice to hear some good rhetoric on the other side. I'm glad Obama won for lots of reasons and hope he is effective, but I'm very open to real fiscal conservatism if it actually exists anymore outside of speeches.
Even so, it is very, very clear from Jindal's response tonight that you just may have heard the first stump speech of the 2012 election. He'll be 41. That would be a truly interesting race, and from a strategic standpoint, possibly the only way to even try to contest Obama if his support doesn't crash.
Down with the parties. Up with good ideas. There is my random, anti/pro-everyone thought tonight.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/24/sotn.jindal.transcript/
PS I'm fine. The bed thing is getting old.
Even so, it is very, very clear from Jindal's response tonight that you just may have heard the first stump speech of the 2012 election. He'll be 41. That would be a truly interesting race, and from a strategic standpoint, possibly the only way to even try to contest Obama if his support doesn't crash.
Down with the parties. Up with good ideas. There is my random, anti/pro-everyone thought tonight.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/24/sotn.jindal.transcript/
PS I'm fine. The bed thing is getting old.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Birthday
I woke up under-medicated, under-estrogened and feeling like a train wreck. I took a handful of pills and slept another couple hours and tried again. Then I had a nice day. --French Toast
and Pot Roast . I worked on getting my recipes online so I could find them easier all in one place like Shauna, but it won't be done for a few more Sundays.
Happy Birthday to my dear sweet Birthday Buddy Michele , I'm thinking happy thoughts for you today.
Since I'm in the camp who believes our national crisis is only beginning and the natural and unavoidable consequences of our collective behavior for many decades (and not in the camp who thinks it is a creation of that evil media that is too happy to report on all those scary economic reports, and really everything would be hunky-dory if we all stopped believing the news)–I found this article a sobering and good read, thought I'd pass it along.
Rich: America in Denial
and Pot Roast . I worked on getting my recipes online so I could find them easier all in one place like Shauna, but it won't be done for a few more Sundays.
Happy Birthday to my dear sweet Birthday Buddy Michele , I'm thinking happy thoughts for you today.
Since I'm in the camp who believes our national crisis is only beginning and the natural and unavoidable consequences of our collective behavior for many decades (and not in the camp who thinks it is a creation of that evil media that is too happy to report on all those scary economic reports, and really everything would be hunky-dory if we all stopped believing the news)–I found this article a sobering and good read, thought I'd pass it along.
Rich: America in Denial
Friday, February 20, 2009
Seed order
I tried to stick to heirloom varieties and hope to save some seed, some of these are rare/extinct
MELON AML110 $3.00 1 - Ananas D' Amerique A Chair Verte (Green Fleshed Pineapple)
MELON AML113 $2.00 1 - Banana
CELERY CE101 $2.00 1 - Tendercrisp
GARDEN FRUIT GR102 $2.25 1 - Chichiquelite Huckleberry
GREEN MANURE GS105 $4.50 1 - Hairy Vetch [you till this under right as it flowers as a nitrogen fixer and for organic matter. ]
Items of interest noted.
MELON AML110 $3.00 1 - Ananas D' Amerique A Chair Verte (Green Fleshed Pineapple)
This historic heirloom was grown by Thomas Jefferson in 1794. It was offered commercially in the USA in 1824, and it was illustrated in color in France in 1854 in the Vilmorin Album. This wonderful variety has become very rare. The fruit have netted skin and light green flesh that is firm, sweet and highly perfumed. Productive plants can be trained up a trellis.
MELON AML113 $2.00 1 - Banana
90 days. Banana-shaped fruit, smooth yellow skin and sweet, spicy salmon flesh. 16”-24" long, 5-8 lbs. It was listed in 1885 by J. H. Gregory’s Catalogue, which said “When ripe it reminds one of a large, overgrown banana... It smells like one, having a remarkably powerful and delicious fragrance.” This is one of my all- time favorites, being very sweet and great for specialty markets.
MELON AML123 $3.00 1 - Kansas
A very rare heirloom from Kansas; the vines are vigorous and the yield is great, oval-shaped ridged and netted fruit, the flesh is orange and has exceptional flavor, very delicious! A very dependable variety, fruit weigh around 4 lbs. One of our most endangered varieties and also one of the best. Perfect for farmers’ markets.
MELON AML155 $3.00 1 - Million Dollar
In 1886, the steamship "Cambridge" was slowly traversing through the thick fog, traveling north to Bangor from Boston, along the rocky coasts of Maine, when it ran aground on Old Man Ledge and began to slowly sink in the cold Atlantic ocean. In the days that followed, many of the hardy souls took small boats out to collect the sinking cargo, which included this great melon that was so good that it has been grown in Maine for the last 124 years. Now it is almost extinct, and almost never offered commercially. The flesh is soft, creamy and so fragrant that ripe fruit can perfume the whole garden. A delicious-tasting melon that is medium sized, elongated and faintly netted.
In 1886, the steamship "Cambridge" was slowly traversing through the thick fog, traveling north to Bangor from Boston, along the rocky coasts of Maine, when it ran aground on Old Man Ledge and began to slowly sink in the cold Atlantic ocean. In the days that followed, many of the hardy souls took small boats out to collect the sinking cargo, which included this great melon that was so good that it has been grown in Maine for the last 124 years. Now it is almost extinct, and almost never offered commercially. The flesh is soft, creamy and so fragrant that ripe fruit can perfume the whole garden. A delicious-tasting melon that is medium sized, elongated and faintly netted.
GREEN BEAN BN108 $2.00 1 - McCaslan 42 Pole
GREEN BEANS BN111 $2.50 1 - Mayflower
This is the bean that is said to have come to America with the Pilgrims in 1620. This old cutshort green bean has great flavor and the red/white beans are quite tasty. A long-time staple in the Carolinas. [so it's a green bean and then a soup bean - VC]
BROCCOLI BR105 $1.75 1 - Waltham 29
BEET BT102 $2.50 1 - Golden Beet
CELERY CE101 $2.00 1 - Tendercrisp
CORN CN105 $3.00 1 - Country Gentleman Sweet Corn
90 days. Introduced in 1890 by S.D. Woodruff & Sons. Sweet, delicious and milky; tender white kernels on 8" ears. The ears have no rows, as this is a shoepeg type, and kernels are packed in a zigzag pattern. One of the best heirloom sweet corns.
CORN CN135 $4.00 1 - Rainbow Sweet Inca Corn
A beautiful multicolored corn that was developed by Dr. Alan Kapuler. This sweet corn is wonderful cooked fresh, when the colors are still very pale; delicious real corn flavor. Mature ears are great for grinding into flavorful flour, and are perfect for fall decorations. The kids will love this one.
CARROT CR101 $2.00 1 - St. Valery [yes, I got this because of it's name]
70 days. The Vilmorins of France mentioned this variety in 1885 and said it had been grown a "long time" then. A large handsome variety with bright red-orange roots; smooth, 10"-12" long & 2"-3" in diameter. Sweet & tender. Rare. Our favorite!
CARROT CR102 $1.25 1 - Danvers 126 Half Long 70 days.
CUCUMBER CU109 $2.00 1 - Delikatesse (for pickling, comes from Germany)
EGGPLANT EG155 $2.00 1 - Blush
Pretty, banana-shaped fruit are creamy white with a lavender blush that graces each fruit. Stunning to look at and even better to eat; delicious, tender-fleshed fruit are ideal for frying and are easy to slice.
PEAS GP104 $2.25 1 - Lincoln
GARDEN FRUIT GR102 $2.25 1 - Chichiquelite Huckleberry
GREEN MANURE GS105 $4.50 1 - Hairy Vetch [you till this under right as it flowers as a nitrogen fixer and for organic matter. ]
HERB HB175 $2.75 1 - Stevia [a fabulous no-calorie sweetner with no impact on blood sugar--Japanese and Brazilians have used it for centuries, but of course our FDA has pandered to the sugar and chemical industries (big, long, scandalous story) and keeps it labeled as a "dietary supplement" so it won't compete directly with neurotoxins (asparatame) carcinogens (saccharine) and digestive irritants (sucralose). Get some at Trader Joes if you live in such a lucky place.]
HOT PEPPER HPP103 $5.00 1 - Anaheim - 1 oz. [ I accidentally bought a ton of these seeds, I think we'll start them all and have Ben sell the small plants this summer instead of a lemonade stand (along with all our extra melon plants and acorn squash, which I also overordered accidentally]
MELON ML102 $2.75 1 - Prescott Fond Blanc
70 days. The most unique and beautiful French melon we sell! The fruit is 4-9 lbs., very flattened and ribbed, with warts and bumps. Melons have grey/green skin turning straw color; flesh is salmon-orange. Once one of the best known melons, it was mentioned in the 1860's, but it likely is much older. The flavor is very rich if picked at perfection and the fragrance is heavenly. This is a favorite melon of mine, almost unheard of in this country.
ASIAN MELON OML107 $3.50 1 - Tigger 
The most amazing melon we have grown. The fruit are vibrant yellow with brilliant fire-red, zigzag stripes, (a few fruit may be solid yellow), simply beautiful! They are also the most fragrant melons we have tried, with a rich, sweet intoxicating aroma that will fill a room. The white flesh gets sweeter in dry climates. Small in size the fruits weigh up to 1 lb. - perfect for a single serving. The vigorous plants yield heavily, even in dry conditions. This heirloom came from an Armenian market located in a mountain valley. It was the most popular melon at our Garden Show last August and makes a unique specialty market variety. Pkt. (25 seeds).
ONION ON113 $2.50 1 - Gold Princess
SWEET PEPPER PP143 $2.50 1 - Jimmy Nardello Italian
This fine Italian pepper was grown each year by Giuseppe and Angella Nardiello, at their garden in the village of Ruoti, in Southern Italy. In 1887 they set sail with their one-year-old daughter Anna for a new life in the USA. When they reached these shores, they settled and gardened in Naugatuck, Connecticut, and grew this same pepper that was named for their fourth son Jimmy. This long, thin-skinned frying pepper dries easily and has such a rich flavor that this variety has been placed in "The Ark of Taste" by the Slow Food organization. Ripens a deep red, is very prolific, and does well in most areas.LETTUCE BLEND SB103 $3.00 1 - Rocky Top Lettuce Salad
SUGAR PEA SN106 $2.50 1 - Sugar Snap
SPINACH SP101 $1.50 1 - Bloomsdale Long Standing
WINTER SQUASH SQ113 $2.00 1 - Sweet Meat [my friend tells me this big grey monstrosity is the sweetest squash and is better for pumpkin pies than pumpkin]
WINTER SQUASH SQ136 $7.50 1 - Table Gold Acorn - 1/4 lb. [accidentally bought WAY too much--that roadside plant stand is now a must, as orders can't be changed.]
SUMMER SQUASH SSQ107 $2.00 1 - White Scallop 
50 days. A very ancient native American heirloom squash, grown by the Northern Indians for hundreds of years, this type was depicted by Europeans back to 1591, and one of the best tasting and yielding varieties still around today! Great fried and baked. Flat fruit with scalloped edges, beautiful!
SUMMER SQUASH SSQ110 $2.00 1 - Striata d'Italia [a yummy basic zucchini-striped, we did this last year]
TOMATO TM126 $2.00 1 - Amish Paste [a fabulous roma type, for canning]
TOMATO TM132 $2.00 1 - Riesentraube [cherry--supposed to have amazing flavor]
TOMATO TM181 $2.00 1 - Bonny Best [for canning and slicing]
Next step is mapping it all out! I'm excited for my Sophomore year of gardening--sure hope I am up to the physical work of it by the time I need to be.
Even if you're just doing pots this year, check out http://rareseeds.com/seeds/ for some fun experiments--you may save an endangered species while you're at it.
This was definitely a task that cheered me up, although with naps and kids, etc. it took me most of the day.
What would you do with 16 hours a day in bed?
Thanks so much for all your sweet messages. They mean a lot. I know people really want to help, but David is amazing, as I told my VT:
"I know that people are frustrated that David keeps saying no to help. For the most part, when he is “on duty,” things are done much better than I would do them. He does the dishes after every meal and wipes down the table. He sweeps every day, cleans up the bathrooms every day and enforces room cleaning better than I do. He went through our Martha Stewart “Everyday Food” monthly magazine, wrote out menus, went shopping, and made tortellini with pancetta and peas tonight. The fridge is full. This doesn’t seem to stress him because it just involves scheduling and tasks and checklists, which he loves. It's other people that stress him out."
David and I were joking this morning that he is partly a perfect husband and partly a perfect ass. I love my Grumpilicious so much.
Pain is up, so meds are up a bit. I used to be ok as long as I was lying flat, but as of 6 a.m. today I realized that safety is gone--the thing is growing in there and now even lying down I'm free game, so I'm staying on top of my pill schedule religiously. (me, the natural childbirth/food/healthcare freak--it all goes out the window with some real pain)
David says having me bed-ridden is easier on him and the family than my working full time. That really tells you something about how hard work has been on our family, doesn't it? At least now he can send kids back to me to help with homework, chat, hug, read stories or get them out from underfoot for dinner making.
The nurse's help with the incision has been helpful. Still not feeling like talking on the phone (coverage is bad back here anyway) and although I let my VT come over for a nice breakfast just the two of us, which was rather nice, I think my social needs are met for the week and I ran back to bed, where the ow-ies are more tame.
My birthday is on Sunday. I'm looking for a good sugar-free treat, I'm thinking maybe Cheesecake Factory SF cheesecake? Ideas?
Since book reading is hard, I'm coming to love my completely supine computer setup. The internet allows me to feel like I'm doing stuff, there's background noise (in the form of web radio--see the new widgets) my short attention span is coddled and I can continually fall asleep without losing my place . I listen to a lot of scriptures/conference, which makes me instantly fall asleep. You can say it is poor gospel study or a really righteous nap.
I'm going to buy my seeds now at www.rareseeds.com --won't you join me?
"I know that people are frustrated that David keeps saying no to help. For the most part, when he is “on duty,” things are done much better than I would do them. He does the dishes after every meal and wipes down the table. He sweeps every day, cleans up the bathrooms every day and enforces room cleaning better than I do. He went through our Martha Stewart “Everyday Food” monthly magazine, wrote out menus, went shopping, and made tortellini with pancetta and peas tonight. The fridge is full. This doesn’t seem to stress him because it just involves scheduling and tasks and checklists, which he loves. It's other people that stress him out."
David and I were joking this morning that he is partly a perfect husband and partly a perfect ass. I love my Grumpilicious so much.
Pain is up, so meds are up a bit. I used to be ok as long as I was lying flat, but as of 6 a.m. today I realized that safety is gone--the thing is growing in there and now even lying down I'm free game, so I'm staying on top of my pill schedule religiously. (me, the natural childbirth/food/healthcare freak--it all goes out the window with some real pain)
David says having me bed-ridden is easier on him and the family than my working full time. That really tells you something about how hard work has been on our family, doesn't it? At least now he can send kids back to me to help with homework, chat, hug, read stories or get them out from underfoot for dinner making.
The nurse's help with the incision has been helpful. Still not feeling like talking on the phone (coverage is bad back here anyway) and although I let my VT come over for a nice breakfast just the two of us, which was rather nice, I think my social needs are met for the week and I ran back to bed, where the ow-ies are more tame.
My birthday is on Sunday. I'm looking for a good sugar-free treat, I'm thinking maybe Cheesecake Factory SF cheesecake? Ideas?
Since book reading is hard, I'm coming to love my completely supine computer setup. The internet allows me to feel like I'm doing stuff, there's background noise (in the form of web radio--see the new widgets) my short attention span is coddled and I can continually fall asleep without losing my place . I listen to a lot of scriptures/conference, which makes me instantly fall asleep. You can say it is poor gospel study or a really righteous nap.
I'm going to buy my seeds now at www.rareseeds.com --won't you join me?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
a step back . . .
Pain and incision complications have been increasing, so I went in to the doctor this morning. It was an uncomfortable ride since I've been in bed for a week. She (my doctor) is sending a home health care nurse to take care of the wound 2x a day for a while, unless David feels comfortable taking it over after a day or two of watching. It involves sticking Q-tips deep in the incision, then shoving gauze in there. He says it may be "above his pay grade." Although he thoroughly enjoyed watching Lucy's c-section, he says the hands-on stuff is a different thing.
On the other side of the incision is a lump where most of the pain is coming from, and it goes pretty deep. She says she thinks it is a hematoma, or more accurately an ecchymosis, which is a large hematoma, or bloodclot. It will probably grow until it runs out of space (which means that side may open up too), or if it doesn't go away it will have to be removed surgically. She said the opening on the first side is probably due to a smaller one that has been reabsorbed.
Although I am supposed to walk 4 times a day, pain limits the walking to 2 minutes max, then I'm back in bed, The drugs aren't helping so much with this stuff. I am feeling very unpleasant in mind and body, so I'm taking 2 minutes to blog openly on the topic so you won't feel bad if I'm being unresponsive personally. If I owe you a call back right now, forgive me for crawling back in my coccoon for a bit. Don't worry, it will all work out in the end, I'm sure.
Thanks to David for setting up my computer so I can blog and surf lying down (although I don't feel like doing so as often as I thought I would).
Also, congratulations to my sweet Doris, who gave birth to her third child, second daughter, and fist baby without me being present for labor support yesterday. Unmedicated, no less. She's a pro at this now, but I warned her that two kids is two kids, three kids is three kids, and four kids feels a lot like ten kids--at least it feels that way to me. Three is a magic number, yes it is. (Though I do love my Lucy!)
Goodbye for a while--I'm surrendering a bedridden life of drugs.
On the other side of the incision is a lump where most of the pain is coming from, and it goes pretty deep. She says she thinks it is a hematoma, or more accurately an ecchymosis, which is a large hematoma, or bloodclot. It will probably grow until it runs out of space (which means that side may open up too), or if it doesn't go away it will have to be removed surgically. She said the opening on the first side is probably due to a smaller one that has been reabsorbed.
Although I am supposed to walk 4 times a day, pain limits the walking to 2 minutes max, then I'm back in bed, The drugs aren't helping so much with this stuff. I am feeling very unpleasant in mind and body, so I'm taking 2 minutes to blog openly on the topic so you won't feel bad if I'm being unresponsive personally. If I owe you a call back right now, forgive me for crawling back in my coccoon for a bit. Don't worry, it will all work out in the end, I'm sure.
Thanks to David for setting up my computer so I can blog and surf lying down (although I don't feel like doing so as often as I thought I would).
Also, congratulations to my sweet Doris, who gave birth to her third child, second daughter, and fist baby without me being present for labor support yesterday. Unmedicated, no less. She's a pro at this now, but I warned her that two kids is two kids, three kids is three kids, and four kids feels a lot like ten kids--at least it feels that way to me. Three is a magic number, yes it is. (Though I do love my Lucy!)
Goodbye for a while--I'm surrendering a bedridden life of drugs.
Monday, February 16, 2009
I'm back among the living (and the heavily sedated)
Hi all. I'm home. I swapped out my phone with one David wasn't using so my normal number is working--apparently phones are very unforgiving of herbal tea.
It's gone back and forth, but I AM on a low-dose estrogen pill, we're going to wait on menopause and see how the pain is from the implants that are left on my other innards. The intestines and the wall of the abdomen have growths they couldn't get off in this surgery. The surgery lasted 3 1/2 hours and recovery was long because my blood pressure wasn't coming back up (60/30!). But I'm home now and am on some narcotics and horse-pill ibuprofen. Every now and then I get a wild hair to come off the percaset (?) because I feel dopey and have crazy evil nightmares, but then get uncomfortable enough to go back on.
We had some incision issues last night where the outer layer opened up about an inch in length. David took a picture for me to see, which I will kindly not post here (I can't bend over very well to see it myself). After a call to my doctor, David flushed it with saline and peroxide and retaped it like a pro, it's staying closed and dry today.
Life involves a lot of sleep and lying there and reading. Reading can be tricky because focusing can be hard with the drugs, but I did manage to finish Pollan's Omnivore's Dilemma. I've been widely recommending this book for a long time based on my reading of several of his articles that went into the book and reading the first few chapters, but now can more authentically and fervently recommend it. As I've said before, it is required reading for people who eat. I wish I could distill it down for you, but short of periodically typing in some of the huge sections I highlighted, it deserves a good reading.
It is written by a journalist who truly loves food (and no, is not a vegetarian) who really wants to know where all our food comes from. He doesn't just discover the (apalling) problems, but reports on some people trying other, viable solutions. You really understand why things are the way they are, why otherwise intelligent people continue to support a sick system, and why it is so hard to change. You also realize why and how your family likely should "opt out." It really is the only thing individual families can do to protect their own health and hopefully move the needle toward a safer, saner food supply for our grandkids.
Put simply, if we really knew where our industrial food came from, we simply wouldn't eat it. As Pollan says, the whole system is built on the assumption that eaters will "look away." If the walls of the processing plants were glass (not just those of the slaughterhouses, but even the plant-based factories) things just simply wouldn't happen the way they do--none of us would tolerate it.
If we knew, we'd demand other choices, and those choices would become more available and affordable. "I don't want to know," is simply not an okay stance for parents in an age of rampant food-borne illness, children beginning adolescence before ten and the appallingly costly burden on our health, the economy, the environment and our moral standing when we buy "cheap food"--which (as in the storyofstuff.com and most industrialized products) looks cheap because it doesn't fold in the greater costs to the consumer in other forms--it is actually much more expensive on a greater scale.
Please read it. You can instead (or in addition) read Animal Vegetable Miracle (now just $10 in paperback) and get a good synopsis of Omnivore as well as lots of practical, interesting and family-level ideas on how to fix our food problems without becoming a "food freak." A lot less anthropological/philosophical stuff, which I like, but you may not be into.
I have come to see the problem as a very spiritual issue with a spiritual solution and it is uncanny how the prophets have guided us toward a better way long, long before it came to this.
As Kimball said, it is important that we do not lose contact with the soil, it brings us humility and opens our eyes to how the Lord provides for us. Needless to say, I am very excited for planting season this year and am ordering my seeds today (maybe after a nap). I'm ready to be off and hoeing--except for the pain and incoherence.
Anyway, I'm back to my usual tirades, so that's a good sign. Now they are just drug-fueled.
Well, thanks for all your prayers and support. Hopefully recovery will be swift.
PS: No worries, Megan, the problems were with the BMW. Thanks for the sweet card! xoxoxox
It's gone back and forth, but I AM on a low-dose estrogen pill, we're going to wait on menopause and see how the pain is from the implants that are left on my other innards. The intestines and the wall of the abdomen have growths they couldn't get off in this surgery. The surgery lasted 3 1/2 hours and recovery was long because my blood pressure wasn't coming back up (60/30!). But I'm home now and am on some narcotics and horse-pill ibuprofen. Every now and then I get a wild hair to come off the percaset (?) because I feel dopey and have crazy evil nightmares, but then get uncomfortable enough to go back on.
We had some incision issues last night where the outer layer opened up about an inch in length. David took a picture for me to see, which I will kindly not post here (I can't bend over very well to see it myself). After a call to my doctor, David flushed it with saline and peroxide and retaped it like a pro, it's staying closed and dry today.
Life involves a lot of sleep and lying there and reading. Reading can be tricky because focusing can be hard with the drugs, but I did manage to finish Pollan's Omnivore's Dilemma. I've been widely recommending this book for a long time based on my reading of several of his articles that went into the book and reading the first few chapters, but now can more authentically and fervently recommend it. As I've said before, it is required reading for people who eat. I wish I could distill it down for you, but short of periodically typing in some of the huge sections I highlighted, it deserves a good reading.
It is written by a journalist who truly loves food (and no, is not a vegetarian) who really wants to know where all our food comes from. He doesn't just discover the (apalling) problems, but reports on some people trying other, viable solutions. You really understand why things are the way they are, why otherwise intelligent people continue to support a sick system, and why it is so hard to change. You also realize why and how your family likely should "opt out." It really is the only thing individual families can do to protect their own health and hopefully move the needle toward a safer, saner food supply for our grandkids.
Put simply, if we really knew where our industrial food came from, we simply wouldn't eat it. As Pollan says, the whole system is built on the assumption that eaters will "look away." If the walls of the processing plants were glass (not just those of the slaughterhouses, but even the plant-based factories) things just simply wouldn't happen the way they do--none of us would tolerate it.
If we knew, we'd demand other choices, and those choices would become more available and affordable. "I don't want to know," is simply not an okay stance for parents in an age of rampant food-borne illness, children beginning adolescence before ten and the appallingly costly burden on our health, the economy, the environment and our moral standing when we buy "cheap food"--which (as in the storyofstuff.com and most industrialized products) looks cheap because it doesn't fold in the greater costs to the consumer in other forms--it is actually much more expensive on a greater scale.
Please read it. You can instead (or in addition) read Animal Vegetable Miracle (now just $10 in paperback) and get a good synopsis of Omnivore as well as lots of practical, interesting and family-level ideas on how to fix our food problems without becoming a "food freak." A lot less anthropological/philosophical stuff, which I like, but you may not be into.
I have come to see the problem as a very spiritual issue with a spiritual solution and it is uncanny how the prophets have guided us toward a better way long, long before it came to this.
As Kimball said, it is important that we do not lose contact with the soil, it brings us humility and opens our eyes to how the Lord provides for us. Needless to say, I am very excited for planting season this year and am ordering my seeds today (maybe after a nap). I'm ready to be off and hoeing--except for the pain and incoherence.
Anyway, I'm back to my usual tirades, so that's a good sign. Now they are just drug-fueled.
Well, thanks for all your prayers and support. Hopefully recovery will be swift.
PS: No worries, Megan, the problems were with the BMW. Thanks for the sweet card! xoxoxox
Friday, February 13, 2009
Update on valerie
The morphine has worn off so today is less comfortable than yesterday,
even with the perkaset. She had to be on o2 last night as she couldn't
keep her blood saturation up. The dr was not able to get all of the
problems out and other organs have been affected so recovery may take
some time. Overall she's in pretty good spirits. She spilled some
herbal tea on her phone and can't call out on it now, so be patient on
callbacks. She'll probably come home tomorrow. Thanks for everyone's
support.
even with the perkaset. She had to be on o2 last night as she couldn't
keep her blood saturation up. The dr was not able to get all of the
problems out and other organs have been affected so recovery may take
some time. Overall she's in pretty good spirits. She spilled some
herbal tea on her phone and can't call out on it now, so be patient on
callbacks. She'll probably come home tomorrow. Thanks for everyone's
support.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
surgery update
Valerie is out of surgery and be doctor says everything went well.
She appreciates everyone's thoughts and prayers, however she will not
be returning phone calls for a few days.
She appreciates everyone's thoughts and prayers, however she will not
be returning phone calls for a few days.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
A much-needed break
I thought I was going insane, but then I realized I just needed a vacation. David and I hadn't gone away together by ourselves since I was pregnant with Noah, so 5 years ago this year.
I decided to just plan it and make the budget work, rather than wait for the budget to suggest it. We went up to the Homestead in Heber and swam in a big hot spring/volcano thing a few times, spent forever in the hot tub, went to the spa and got a massage (David stayed in the room with his Netflix, because that way he wouldn't be accidentally touched by anyone). We ate fabulous food and I just spent three days enjoying my favorite person. Life at it's best is David and I alternating between various pools of water, restaurants, a spa and a hotel room. I can't remember ever being happier.
We left Saturday morning and returned Monday night in time for a Valentine's FHE with the kids and my mom--we all had a heart where each family wrote down what they loved about you on it.
I am so grateful to grandparents who made the weekend possible. It seemed so much to ask on top of everything else they do (my mom had been with the kids 9 out of 10 days in a row by the end, since David was traveling last week), but I was SO grateful that they helped us out.
We're back in the grind now, facing gargantuan car repair bills, negotiating how we're going to get people where they need to go after my surgery tomorrow, David's working like a dog--the Fed by day, the contracting job in the basement by night. I'm so glad we had a quick moment to come up for air.
The big, fat surgery tomorrow, should take 2-3 hours, depending on how messy it is in there. I am scheduled for 10 or 10:30 Mountain. After surgery I'll be in recovery 1-2 hours then in a room for 2-3 days. David will post and tell you all that I'm either fine or that I died on the table sometime tomorrow--probably before he goes to bed. They are going to let me stay on a hormone patch for a while and see how things go--so, no cold turkey menopause for the time being--phew!
Well, wish me luck! When we meet again I'll be an "it."
xoxoxo
I decided to just plan it and make the budget work, rather than wait for the budget to suggest it. We went up to the Homestead in Heber and swam in a big hot spring/volcano thing a few times, spent forever in the hot tub, went to the spa and got a massage (David stayed in the room with his Netflix, because that way he wouldn't be accidentally touched by anyone). We ate fabulous food and I just spent three days enjoying my favorite person. Life at it's best is David and I alternating between various pools of water, restaurants, a spa and a hotel room. I can't remember ever being happier.
We left Saturday morning and returned Monday night in time for a Valentine's FHE with the kids and my mom--we all had a heart where each family wrote down what they loved about you on it.
I am so grateful to grandparents who made the weekend possible. It seemed so much to ask on top of everything else they do (my mom had been with the kids 9 out of 10 days in a row by the end, since David was traveling last week), but I was SO grateful that they helped us out.
We're back in the grind now, facing gargantuan car repair bills, negotiating how we're going to get people where they need to go after my surgery tomorrow, David's working like a dog--the Fed by day, the contracting job in the basement by night. I'm so glad we had a quick moment to come up for air.
The big, fat surgery tomorrow, should take 2-3 hours, depending on how messy it is in there. I am scheduled for 10 or 10:30 Mountain. After surgery I'll be in recovery 1-2 hours then in a room for 2-3 days. David will post and tell you all that I'm either fine or that I died on the table sometime tomorrow--probably before he goes to bed. They are going to let me stay on a hormone patch for a while and see how things go--so, no cold turkey menopause for the time being--phew!
Well, wish me luck! When we meet again I'll be an "it."
xoxoxo
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Gearing up to lie down
I'm trying not to scare myself about this week, but it looks scary from this end of it. I have tons of work at the office to make sure I wrap up before surgery and my last day is Friday. David is off adding four more states to his "been there" list. Noah has been yakking all weekend and although he was lethargic and clearly sick today, I thought we were over the vomit part but apparently not as of a few minutes ago--so all my bedsheets are in the wash. Plus, my bathtub is full of bleach from the Noah & Lucy Fun Bath turned Screaming Shower of Horrors thanks to some diarrhea. Thank heaven for my mother, who arrived with a full crockpot at dinner time and scoured my kitchen. I'd done 6.5 hours of housecleaning on Saturday but it didn't look like much of anything had happened by this afternoon. Also thank heaven for the lady at church that played piano for me in primary and Kim for taking Ben and Sophie to church. I'm going to have to scramble tomorrow and go into work late, so there will be another docket of acknowlegements.
Ben's symptoms have gotten much worse over the past 2 weeks, hyper, impulsive, tics, argumentative--I can't say much has changed that I can point to as a cause, it is perplexing. However, he is doing great in school--I just had parent-teacher conference with his teacher and he got 8 As, 4 Bs, and one C+ (in composition). It is really fun to hear him speak in and translate Latin--it's his favorite subject. Today we talked about fasting a lot since we're fasting for his dad, and although I know (like his mom) food is the center of his attention, I think he learned a little about subjecting the physical to grow spiritually.
Sophie seems to be good, she can be hard to read. Her reading has really taken off and she is doing well in school, my conference with maw-in-law is Tuesday. The other day she was looking at Ben's report card and said, "I never get Cs. Well, today I got a D, but that was because I forgot I was in science and thought I was at recess." She really enjoys the Little House books we're reading, and wants to start gymnastics, but I just can't add it now. We've missed enough piano lessons in the chaos that we had to take a sabbatical. I feel bad about it, but I'm hoping something will change and magically make things more manageable--that Deus de Machina previously mentioned.
Noah is sweet and barfy. He is doing well at Lucy's daycare but still seems actively troubled at my absence, which is rubbing off on me. It takes him hours before he starts looking me in the eye after I pick him up, and he only warms back up to his usual cuddly self on the weekends. He's terribly smart though, and is doing great in his preschool(s).
Lucy is a woman of her own mind and although she can talk some she doesn't much usually. When she does it is with amazing diction, not sure what that is about. She is a two year old, complete with mood swings and tantrums and meltdowns. She's wonderfully coy and cute and also terribly smart. She seems to see Kari's house (her babysitter) as some kind of wonderful play date most of the time, and even asks to go on weekends. But sometimes she acts like we're pulling her limb from limb. Who can say what's in that little head?
David and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this week, complete with family birthday party on Monday with bowling and Chuck-a-rama buffet (Sophie's pick). We're taking our first weekend away alone since I was pregnant with Noah next weekend, thanks to local grandparents. We're not going far, but it will be nice to rest up and reconnect before another season of crazy with the surgery coming up a week from Tues.
Life has gotten trickier because I've been ordered into therapy by a loving spouse and have been working on some other projects to hopefully help our future stability, so I'm staying up way way too late and thanks to the dumb therapy am far too aware of my feelings than I am normally. My therapist says I repress my feelings. I just think, life is what it is, it's hard, and what's going to happen is what's going to happen, so what does it matter how I feel about it? I've been living with the motto "suck it up and deal" for four years, why stop now?
Apparently the reason to stop is that it makes you certifiably crazy.
Lame, stupid feelings. Very overrated.
Anyway, David also has some irons in the fire, and we need your prayers that one of those will take. Now.
The pace of life is like nothing I've ever had to deal with , but we are very blessed. I feel the Lord guiding us from one place to another and still hold out hope for some semblance of a promised land, however terrestrial it may be.
Ben's symptoms have gotten much worse over the past 2 weeks, hyper, impulsive, tics, argumentative--I can't say much has changed that I can point to as a cause, it is perplexing. However, he is doing great in school--I just had parent-teacher conference with his teacher and he got 8 As, 4 Bs, and one C+ (in composition). It is really fun to hear him speak in and translate Latin--it's his favorite subject. Today we talked about fasting a lot since we're fasting for his dad, and although I know (like his mom) food is the center of his attention, I think he learned a little about subjecting the physical to grow spiritually.
Sophie seems to be good, she can be hard to read. Her reading has really taken off and she is doing well in school, my conference with maw-in-law is Tuesday. The other day she was looking at Ben's report card and said, "I never get Cs. Well, today I got a D, but that was because I forgot I was in science and thought I was at recess." She really enjoys the Little House books we're reading, and wants to start gymnastics, but I just can't add it now. We've missed enough piano lessons in the chaos that we had to take a sabbatical. I feel bad about it, but I'm hoping something will change and magically make things more manageable--that Deus de Machina previously mentioned.
Noah is sweet and barfy. He is doing well at Lucy's daycare but still seems actively troubled at my absence, which is rubbing off on me. It takes him hours before he starts looking me in the eye after I pick him up, and he only warms back up to his usual cuddly self on the weekends. He's terribly smart though, and is doing great in his preschool(s).
Lucy is a woman of her own mind and although she can talk some she doesn't much usually. When she does it is with amazing diction, not sure what that is about. She is a two year old, complete with mood swings and tantrums and meltdowns. She's wonderfully coy and cute and also terribly smart. She seems to see Kari's house (her babysitter) as some kind of wonderful play date most of the time, and even asks to go on weekends. But sometimes she acts like we're pulling her limb from limb. Who can say what's in that little head?
David and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this week, complete with family birthday party on Monday with bowling and Chuck-a-rama buffet (Sophie's pick). We're taking our first weekend away alone since I was pregnant with Noah next weekend, thanks to local grandparents. We're not going far, but it will be nice to rest up and reconnect before another season of crazy with the surgery coming up a week from Tues.
Life has gotten trickier because I've been ordered into therapy by a loving spouse and have been working on some other projects to hopefully help our future stability, so I'm staying up way way too late and thanks to the dumb therapy am far too aware of my feelings than I am normally. My therapist says I repress my feelings. I just think, life is what it is, it's hard, and what's going to happen is what's going to happen, so what does it matter how I feel about it? I've been living with the motto "suck it up and deal" for four years, why stop now?
Apparently the reason to stop is that it makes you certifiably crazy.
Lame, stupid feelings. Very overrated.
Anyway, David also has some irons in the fire, and we need your prayers that one of those will take. Now.
The pace of life is like nothing I've ever had to deal with , but we are very blessed. I feel the Lord guiding us from one place to another and still hold out hope for some semblance of a promised land, however terrestrial it may be.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Gory Details
#1 question asked by people who read my blog but have resorted to email because I don't post enough: My surgery is now scheduled for 2/11, I'll be off of work 4-6 weeks. Putting off the surgery has had some drawbacks in the form of fatigue and pain, and the endometriosis perhaps has spread to other organs, but that wasn't the fault of the few extra months. The Dr. possibly will have me not take any hormones after surgery for a while, so I'll go into instant full-blown menopause (for the third time) to kill off all the rogue endometrial cells in random places in my body. I'm scared about that because it made me (more of a) screaming, crying, hot-flashing psychopath.
I watched the inauguration at work on some TVs they hooked up for the employees in the warehouse. I was happy and do hope as a nation we do begin to take more responsibility for the wide-ranging impact of our actions, but try to I'll spare you my thoughts beyond that. Shauna sent me Dr. Laura's comments, I can't say I've heard her (ever), but I saw some things I agreed with. I tried really hard today to avoid the sour grapes of people and bloggers and journalists who didn't vote for him. I know if today was McCain's day, I would have watched and been proud of our country and can't understand why that's so hard for some. But, I've really tried to let go of such thinking.
Anyway, I'm very tired, but we are very blessed. Strangely, I'm looking forward to surgery because it means I can lie down.
(PS, sorry if my image grosses you out, I offer it only in the spirit of amusement)
Monday, January 12, 2009
One New Year's Resolution Down, 9 to go
I finally finished the arrangement of "In Humility Our Savior" for my cousin. She wanted to overcome her fear of singing in public and asked if we could do a duet together in Church. I asked her what songs she liked and she named two, of which this was one. I couldn't find good arrangements for either, so I told her (last September) that I'd arrange In Humility for us. I used to do some slapped-together arranging back when I was the UCLA Ward choir director and was particularly fond of what today would be called "mashups" meaning I'd shove two hymns together musically and lyrically (Lead Kindly Light and I Need Thee work really well, for instance). The choir had fun with it and was patient, even when we'd discover one measure was missing a beat entirely.
So this was an exciting thing for me to do my first full arrangement and put it in composing software (rather than just use copies of the hymnbook, scissors, paste and white-out, as with the UCLA days ;) ). I don't know how to put it in a PDF format, and I haven't heard real people sing it (just the "choir" bots in the software), but I'm happy with it nonetheless.
Work is fine, I'm in one of my "missing my kids" phases right now and hoping for a deus de machina to make that possible, although the reduced schedule helps. I do have trouble doing much work from home, though, because the kids demand attention sometimes until almost 9 and then I often crash. But I honestly feel my productivity is higher than it was before I changed my schedule. Something about working in 4-hour blocks makes me rush to get things accomplished, rather than the "hare" mentality I often have at the beginning of an 8-hour work day.
Ben is doing well in school and seems pretty happy overall. Sophie is having some struggles feeling left out at Church and school, but I'm arranging for her to go play with her cousins more often. Noah is happy at Lucy's daycare, but he still seems sad about my absence and really acts out a lot. Lucy is cute, talking more and more, opinionated, and possibly gaining weight. I'm doing some things with diet and herbs and gradually weaning them off the sugar binge they've been on since Halloween, motivated by a book I've owned but avoided reading for some time, "Little Sugar Addicts." Since I was praying about these issues the day before my eye fell on that book, buried in the shelf, I felt it must be a prompting.
I am not exactly sure where David is, although on his occasional calls he tells me he is "in the East" or "in the West" (because he is crossing the Mississippi in his travels). I know he'll be back in a few days, though.
My January probably looks like many people's January--dieting, going to the gym, writing that book, organizing that room, completing this and that project. Hopefully I'll get over all this ambition soon and get some real sleep.
My stock guy says "cataclysmic collapse" is coming after inauguration, and some people seem to think that the Gaza/Israel thing is going to develop into Armageddon, but I'm holding out that 2009 will turn out to be a good year anyway.
Love to all--(by which I mean YOU those sweet friends and family who read my blog, not a love for all man--baby steps, you know)
Valerie
So this was an exciting thing for me to do my first full arrangement and put it in composing software (rather than just use copies of the hymnbook, scissors, paste and white-out, as with the UCLA days ;) ). I don't know how to put it in a PDF format, and I haven't heard real people sing it (just the "choir" bots in the software), but I'm happy with it nonetheless.
Work is fine, I'm in one of my "missing my kids" phases right now and hoping for a deus de machina to make that possible, although the reduced schedule helps. I do have trouble doing much work from home, though, because the kids demand attention sometimes until almost 9 and then I often crash. But I honestly feel my productivity is higher than it was before I changed my schedule. Something about working in 4-hour blocks makes me rush to get things accomplished, rather than the "hare" mentality I often have at the beginning of an 8-hour work day.
Ben is doing well in school and seems pretty happy overall. Sophie is having some struggles feeling left out at Church and school, but I'm arranging for her to go play with her cousins more often. Noah is happy at Lucy's daycare, but he still seems sad about my absence and really acts out a lot. Lucy is cute, talking more and more, opinionated, and possibly gaining weight. I'm doing some things with diet and herbs and gradually weaning them off the sugar binge they've been on since Halloween, motivated by a book I've owned but avoided reading for some time, "Little Sugar Addicts." Since I was praying about these issues the day before my eye fell on that book, buried in the shelf, I felt it must be a prompting.
I am not exactly sure where David is, although on his occasional calls he tells me he is "in the East" or "in the West" (because he is crossing the Mississippi in his travels). I know he'll be back in a few days, though.
My January probably looks like many people's January--dieting, going to the gym, writing that book, organizing that room, completing this and that project. Hopefully I'll get over all this ambition soon and get some real sleep.
My stock guy says "cataclysmic collapse" is coming after inauguration, and some people seem to think that the Gaza/Israel thing is going to develop into Armageddon, but I'm holding out that 2009 will turn out to be a good year anyway.
Love to all--(by which I mean YOU those sweet friends and family who read my blog, not a love for all man--baby steps, you know)
Valerie
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Blessings
Today I was sitting at the piano in primary and looking at Noah. He isn't on the front row anymore, my little Sunbeam is now in the CTR 5 class. How did that happen? I think about what a sweet, sweet blessing he is in my life, so free with his hugs and kisses and "I love yous."
I look for Sophie--where is she? She's not there. This is Jr. Primary, and she is now a Valiant 8, will be baptized this year. Where is time going? She sat on my lap during Sacrament Meeting--way too big for that now, but it makes her happy--and I petted her long hair. It's getting darker--all my kids' hair is--my four little blondes will end up dark like David and me.
Lucy moved to a big-girl bed on New Year's Day. What's the point of a crib when she can pop out of it at will? When she's having a fit over something and I mimick her crying by saying "Waaa!" she laughs and stops.
Ben bore his testimony today--he's growing up and learning how to get nervous speaking in front of others. He testified of the Church and of Jesus Christ. We spent the evening together making a tin-foil covered cardboard stag as his Patronius visual aid for his book report on Harry Potter 3 tomorrow.
I remembered it was Fast Day for once and maybe that is why I felt a little more soft hearted today, just overwhelmed with gratititude for what the Lord has given me--this beautiful family, a husband I love dearly, the gospel, wonderful friends and family, this warm, safe home and the amazing gardening adventure. I think about how he has held us in His hands through so many tricky situations that only He could navigate, and how there are more ahead this year, but I know He will take care of us.
It seems so much of life is spent thinking about what we want--what we want from loved ones, what we want with our careers/finances, what we want to have happen today, tomorrow, next year. But when I'm thinking about what I want, I am not thinking about what I have--it is constantly looking at the empty part of the glass.
There is something to the zen concept of eliminating expectations. Expectations kill relationships, and kill happiness—they keep us always focused on what we lack, not what we have. In marriage, for instance. If I expect David to act like David I will never be disappointed, and can just love him. But to not expect at all--that is a divine state--to just take what comes, experience it, observe it, accept it in faith. That's not to say we don't proactively engage in things, but that we don't tie our happiness to specific outcomes.
Despite rationalizations, expectations are not hope (trust that God is in control and will take care of us), they are not faith (the hope for things which are not seen, which are true), expectations are wanting things to be done a certain way, to go a certain way, for certain things to happen--and they put me on the path of ingratitude.
These were my thoughts today as I looked at the four amazing individuals I've been entrusted with--here when I didn't even think I could have children ten years ago. My cup runneth over, yet sometimes I still see it as half full.
Today Noah trimmed off both cat's whiskers. Sophie sang in the tub tonight for an hour. When I was getting dressed and hadn't gotten to the pants part, Lucy helpfully suggested that I "put on a pull-up." Benjamin just came down sleepwalking, went into the laundry room and came out with a bottle of Shout and Lucy's snowpants and, when questioned, said frustratedly, "What, you can't expect me to go around without any pants!"
Life really is good.
I look for Sophie--where is she? She's not there. This is Jr. Primary, and she is now a Valiant 8, will be baptized this year. Where is time going? She sat on my lap during Sacrament Meeting--way too big for that now, but it makes her happy--and I petted her long hair. It's getting darker--all my kids' hair is--my four little blondes will end up dark like David and me.
Lucy moved to a big-girl bed on New Year's Day. What's the point of a crib when she can pop out of it at will? When she's having a fit over something and I mimick her crying by saying "Waaa!" she laughs and stops.
Ben bore his testimony today--he's growing up and learning how to get nervous speaking in front of others. He testified of the Church and of Jesus Christ. We spent the evening together making a tin-foil covered cardboard stag as his Patronius visual aid for his book report on Harry Potter 3 tomorrow.
I remembered it was Fast Day for once and maybe that is why I felt a little more soft hearted today, just overwhelmed with gratititude for what the Lord has given me--this beautiful family, a husband I love dearly, the gospel, wonderful friends and family, this warm, safe home and the amazing gardening adventure. I think about how he has held us in His hands through so many tricky situations that only He could navigate, and how there are more ahead this year, but I know He will take care of us.
It seems so much of life is spent thinking about what we want--what we want from loved ones, what we want with our careers/finances, what we want to have happen today, tomorrow, next year. But when I'm thinking about what I want, I am not thinking about what I have--it is constantly looking at the empty part of the glass.
There is something to the zen concept of eliminating expectations. Expectations kill relationships, and kill happiness—they keep us always focused on what we lack, not what we have. In marriage, for instance. If I expect David to act like David I will never be disappointed, and can just love him. But to not expect at all--that is a divine state--to just take what comes, experience it, observe it, accept it in faith. That's not to say we don't proactively engage in things, but that we don't tie our happiness to specific outcomes.
Despite rationalizations, expectations are not hope (trust that God is in control and will take care of us), they are not faith (the hope for things which are not seen, which are true), expectations are wanting things to be done a certain way, to go a certain way, for certain things to happen--and they put me on the path of ingratitude.
These were my thoughts today as I looked at the four amazing individuals I've been entrusted with--here when I didn't even think I could have children ten years ago. My cup runneth over, yet sometimes I still see it as half full.
Today Noah trimmed off both cat's whiskers. Sophie sang in the tub tonight for an hour. When I was getting dressed and hadn't gotten to the pants part, Lucy helpfully suggested that I "put on a pull-up." Benjamin just came down sleepwalking, went into the laundry room and came out with a bottle of Shout and Lucy's snowpants and, when questioned, said frustratedly, "What, you can't expect me to go around without any pants!"
Life really is good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)