Virtual tour for faraway friends.

I've received many requests to post pictures of the new house, and things have finally settled enough to give me a little Sunday time.  Before I do so, however, I wish to recognize that, if some months ago some good friend bought a cute little house in Farmington and posted pictures on their blog, I would have been happy but very pained and tearful that I thought I would never would actually own a house of my own for many years to come, if at all.

So I want to say that I know there are a few of you who may feel like I would have.  You can choose to ignore this post and I won't be offended.  But it is also evidence that you may be wrong about your future prospects!  I must express the amazement and gratitude I feel at this miraculous and unexpected door that has opened in our lives, and I have better seen how the Lord has worked in us over the past very difficult ten years in a way he could not have if we had been blinded by success and comfort.  The humility and awe we feel in being blessed with this little place has really made us into new people, in a way.  Or vice versa, I'm not sure.

Anyway, I will post these pictures, and some kid pictures, and then, if there's time today, get to the whole story.  Otherwise it may need to wait until next week.

I started putting pics into this post but it was unwieldy, so I took 20 minutes to set it up on a wix template where it looked better anyway:  www.wix.com/hivalerie/Our-house.

More to come!

Run faster! Or not.

Mosiah 4:27:And see that all these things are done in wisdom and ^aorder; for it is not requisite that a man should run ^bfaster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.


Of course this scripture doesn't apply to me, and probably not to you.  We have too much to do. Clearly this scripture was written before the 24-hour stresses of daily modern life evolved and now literally demand that we run, process and accomplish tasks as fast as our computers can—the robots set the pace. What I'm sure the scripture meant was, Do not run faster than the strength:

1. you wish you had
2. you once had, ten, twenty or thirty years ago.
3. you think you should have if only you would try harder
4. you imagine everyone else has
5. you would have if you had less stress and enough money
6. you had in that one instant where you were your strongest ever
7. your kids have
8. your delusional supermom fantasies lead you to believe you have
9. all those inspirational famous people appear to have
10. the robots.

This past week, during a little informal dieting support group I attend, I was told by others that I needed to slow down, take an occasional break, and maybe let up on some of the pressures I put on myself.  It was even suggested that I stop stressing about diet stuff altogether for a little while. My knee-jerk response to this was to wave it off.  I've done lots of things at once, I'm a veteran multi-tasker. After the past ten years of almost constant chaos, upheaval and stress, I can now look death in the face and laugh. Hah!

Plus, if I slowed down, it's possible that any burdens I took off myself would simply be replaced by the guilt of doing so. So, why bother?

But after more thought, I realized that, although trials do make us stronger, I'm at a weak point right now. I get tired, emotionally and physically, more often at this moment in my life, for whatever reason. Perhaps I did need to readjust my expectations. I don't think my schedule is that busy right now, honestly it feels like most of the pressure is actually coming from inside my own head (be better, faster, stronger!), but let's take a look.

My list probably looks a lot like most people's in my stage of life.  If I do everything I'm supposed to do in a day, it looks like this:

• Feed people (3x)
• Dishes
• Laundry
• Daily job (M-Kitchen, T-Bathrooms, W-Living Areas, H-Bedrooms, F-Van/yard)
• Scriptures (usually done by audio while multitasking)
• Check Bills/finances
• Prayer (2x+) (usually in the shower--multitasking again)
• Track/plan food
• Kid shuffling: Homework, chores, piano practice, Activity Days, scouts, piano, tae kwon do
• Music Practice: voice (U admission auditions 2/27), learn UCA music, piano proficiency exam prep, children's choir prep
• Exercise
• Kid love: Cuddle and talk with kids, not about homework, chores or piano 
• Husband time 
• Service (VT, temple, trying to listen to the Spirit about who/what needs me, etc.)
• Try to make some money 
• Journal/Write
• Quiet meditation (Hah. This generally doubles as "sleep.")

No surprise, I don't often get to the things toward the bottom of the daily list, the things that make me and my family more happy, sane and less stressed financially.  When I focus on the business of home and family and getting the absolute necessities taken care of, when I finally get to my own shower and am ready to at last get to work on the rest, it's about 11:30 p.m. and I crash. 

Also, if my mind just revolts, and I sit down to rest or think in a quiet place for a minute, which is happening involuntarily more and more these days, there is always something that theoretically should be filling that time. No vacancies in the schedule allowed.

  

I know this is almost a universal problem with women in my place in life. I know we are supposed to simplify, yet my family and home need almost constant attention, I've felt direction from the Lord on the path I'm taking  with music even though that takes time. I just can't see quite where I'm supposed to cut.

Then again, what's not on my list, but takes a ton of my time and mental energy, is fruitless, tail-chasing anxiety, wall-staring panic, and Tetris-playing despair. Somehow, I never book enough time in the day to allow for these time hogs.

President Uchdorf said on this great talk on the subject: 

Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives. 

It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks...

...My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will establish the basis of a rich and fruitful mortal life with promises of eternal happiness.

In that same talk, President Uchdorf said that our relationships with God, our family, our fellowman, and ourselves, are the top priorities. The first task of the first priority, our relationship with God, was, in fact, quiet meditation, the neglected item at the bottom of my list:

Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study...these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father. Let us heed the invitation in Psalms: “Be still, and know that I am God.” 

So, as I approach these last two husbandless weeks of bar prep and stress, I am going to make a commitment to myself to a sort of mental/spiritual/physical refocus, not with a longer to-do list, but by making the last first, beginning each day with quiet prayer and study to get inspiration for the day. Maybe that would help me minimize the unscheduled time-hogs (anxiety, panic, despair) by replacing all that paralyzing fear with some faith.  And I think I'll put some kid love time before the kid shuffling time each day.

The Creator of the universe manages everything in order and love, so it only makes sense that as I face my own to-do list each morning, that I consult with Him first. 

Last of the Christmas pix

It seemed Santa was everywhere we went.  The children's choir sang at the Nutcracker and there were many choir rehearsals for myself as well.  Lots and lots of jammie time with the kitties while school was out . . . 

More Christmas 2010

The children's choir performed at Granny's retirement center, we visited the gingerbread and window displays at the Grand America Hotel, and got comp tickets to Babes in Toyland, where we got to chat with Santa afterward.

Christmas 2011

C'mon kids, hurry up and make memories!

I'm on a roll!

Two Sundays in a row--success is imminent! We continue plugging away through this particularly grueling time of our lives.  Five weeks left.  Today I taught a lesson on Gratitude in Relief Society, and David heard the same lesson in priesthood.  We both came away renewed and more committed to be humble and accept the Lord's plan and timeline.  A good thing we go to church each week, that's about how often we need reminding.

I planned my lesson and went with the flow of the discussion, and came away learning things I didn't fully understand going in.  Through our talking, we realized that gratitude is really a principle of trust in God.  Life is by it's nature hard, and hard isn't bad, it's the point.  The only thing we can expect in life is that He will make it all come together for our good. I've seen that happen enough to know it's true.

I also learned that gratitude is a principle that unlocks the heavens in a way that's beyond just cheering us up because of positive thinking--it allows the Lord to bless us in ways he can't if we aren't in a grateful mindset--it literally allows us to see the hand of God, and is the key to true joy in this life.  It's not just, "I know, I should be grateful, but things are too lame." It's really searching for God in daily life, which in turn makes it easier to find Him, which in turn allows Him to have an even greater influence. It's really an amazing root principle.

I also learned something about complaining.  We live in a culture where if bad things happen, we have a "right" to complain and be upset about it--indignant.  The difference between sharing our troubles with a friend and complaining is pride and ingratitude. When we are affronted by our trials rather than humbled by them, it shows that, like Laman and Lemuel, we murmur because we know not the dealings of God.  I've really recommitted to avoiding complaining, I really feel it limits the ability for God to work in my life.  

Funny how you can "teach" a lesson and come out with things that were completely not on the radar. That calling has been a great blessing to me.

Thanks to a gift certificate from David's parents, their willingness to babysit and a miraculous 4-hour window David had in his insanely unsustainable study/work schedule after returning from out of town, I got my first date of the year last night, to celebrate our 18th anniversary this week. Wow, we are so old--I can't see how this happened. For such avid daters, we have really missed it.  But it's true that I appreciated it more since it is so hard to come by these days.

Other events of the week,—my Children's Choir is moving over to the new Centerpoint Legacy Theater in February and out of my house. I finally decided which program I should do at the U and am applying this weekend for next fall (second Bachelor, Music Education - Choral).  Report cards came in this week and Ben and Sophie are doing well. Ben had a fabulous time on the Klondike overnighter and managed to stay warm, went cross country skiing for the first time, came home happy, exhausted, and sun kissed.

I'm really starting to see with Ben and Sophie that I have prepubescent timebombs on my hands if I don't really start focusing in on their changing needs.  After years of just making sure everyone gets meals and clothes, spiritual fundamentals, protection from obvious dangers and sufficient hugs, I can sense a shift in my parenting stage that I'm trying to be more prepared to handle.  A lot more practical application of all this preparatory stuff coming up fast.

Pressing forward and counting down . . . .

2011 - Let's do this!

I'm only two Sundays behind on the new year's resolution to blog on Sundays! Yay, me! I've decided I've been subconsciously paralyzed in my blogging by the fact that both my husband and yes, my 11YO son, now have my blog in their readers. I'm just going to push past it and expect the barrage of teasing (DH) and questions (DS) to begin.

In sum, we have had all sorts of trauma, trials and plagues, evil enslaving pharaohs, miracles and sea-partings, and we're still in the wilderness wandering, we hope, toward our promised land.  Probably just like you. 

My painfully private husband has had to go pretty public with his current preparations to take the Utah Bar, in part because we needed prayers (and still do, keep 'em coming).  He also is still working, which adds up to 18 hour days.  He now lives in a cave downstairs where I take his meals when my watch alarm goes off thrice a day, then I sneak out quickly. Only Words With Friends keeps us connected (iPhone Scrabble).  

We are almost in the middle of our 11-week ordeal right now, thus the radio silence--we were burned out and exhausted within the first week thanks to a perfect storm of Bar application demands and Christmas. I'm sad to say I kind of missed Christmas this year--I went through all the motions to try to make it fun for the kids but the stress levels were so high. As I took down the tree, I had that relieved feeling of checking off a big box, which really is sad. Next year, hopefully, I'll internalize a little more Christmas.  

So, David takes the test on my birthday, 2/22 and 2/23, and at this point, everything revolves around that. 

In my relatively single-mom state, I still have much to do, both to bring in additional needed income and to keep the family going. The Children's Choir is going wonderfully, I am enjoying it so much and hoping to expand it this year. I wanted to keep it very inexpensive, and I end up putting most of the money back into the choir anyway, so it is much more hobby than job, but it is very fulfilling and I hope to be doing it for years to come.  

I'm also applying to the U to start more music study in the fall. I keep telling the Lord it is not a good time but keep feeling like I need to move the process forward.  Our AMAZING piano teacher  is a great example to me, as she also has kids, just finished her Bachelor of Music and is going back for her Masters.  

The Utah Chamber Artists will be back in session at the end of the month, with our Winter concert happening just after the Bar. I LOVE being part of the UCA, it is a huge blessing in my life.    

The rest of my time that I'm not preparing or cleaning up meals or taskmastering the homework/chores/piano daily drill, I'm working on marketing jobs to pay the bills.

Benjamin is just plugging away at life, getting ready to progress to his Deputy Black Belt III in Tae Kwon Do, enjoying scouts and technology class and really excelling at piano as he prepares for AIM reviews in March.  It's a pleasure to hear him play, unless it is 6:30 a.m., but some days that's what has to happen to get those five days in--our teacher is very strict on that!  He's excited to start taking a C++ programming class at school and dutifully goes out and shovels the driveway at the crack of dawn anytime it snows--without a single request.   On a busy night, I can just say, "Ben, can you take care of dinner?" And he'll jump to it, providing a great meal, vegetable included, a well-set table and sometimes even a decent cleanup job, too.  

Sophie is enjoying school, piano and choir, and is still in Tae Kwon Do and progressing quickly, although her attention wanders often and now she wants to go back to gymnastics and try out for a community play of Annie. We're in a contract for TKD through the summer and I really want her to get to black belt before quitting, but we'll deal with it when we get there. She is really starting to enjoy cooking, too, and can make several things independently.  She is very good at math and seems to be enjoying Latin at school also. My mom is teaching her to sew and she made her very own Christmas stocking with a great deal of appliquéd work. Overall she seems pretty happy these days.

I'm so grateful for Capitol Hill Academy--what a great find that was.  That on its own may be why we are supposed to stay here in Utah--we still aren't really sure why, but we feel it's the right thing for now.

So it may seem strange that I actually ended up pulling Noah from the CHA 3-day kindergarten this month and just kept him in his afternoon public school kindergarten program. But, it saves us a third tuition payment, and we still plan to send him next year.  He loves it, and is such a fun, mischievous little squirt and still has the kissiest fat cheeks.  He is begging to go back to gymnastics too, and hopefully we'll be able to do that soon. His reading is coming along nicely and, when they are not fighting, he is best friends with Lucy and can be so considerate of her.  

Lucy is a sweet little partner to my days. She's so observant and constantly comments on what we're doing (and my own inconsistencies) in such a remarkable way. Yes, I'm not yet 40, but she already feels like the comfort of my old age. She's not doing any extra-curriculars these days, although she also dresses in her "monkeynastics" clothes often and begs to be taken, which again I hope to do again soon.  Oh yes, I added a 5-7 music class to the choir for them and some of their friends and it's so much fun, so she has that. I'm trying to remember all the fun things I did when Ben and Sophie were where Noah and Lucy are now, I want to give them a taste of that pre-burned out mommy era.

This has been a rough few months, and we are facing at least three more rocky ones ahead. I'm frankly very tired.  Some of you are not going to believe me when I say this, but I very much would like less drama in my life. Or at least, I would like the drama I bring into it myself, like the choirs and kids and music study, but less of all the other stuff.  But that's not how life works, and apparently I came for experience and am getting it. 

Today I was preparing for my lesson next week on the prophet's talk on Gratitude and was struck when he said gratitude was the key to the windows of heaven. I realized that complaining really limits the Lord's hand in my life, no matter how much I may feel I have to complain about, and it's becoming easier to see how amazingly blessed I really am.  It has been interesting in past weeks to see so clearly the hand of the Lord working miracles in our lives, and although our long-term requests still need to wait on the Lord's timeline, it has been such a comfort to see Him so close. When I am grumpy and make a concerted effort to count blessings, it really is an instantaneous transformation.  There are people in the direst of circumstances who have tapped into the divine power of gratitude, so in my warm home full of kids and food and clothes and the gospel, I should be able to do no less.

I was recently reminded by Chantelle in the UK about a post I did a while ago on gratitude, where I said that I'd specifically told the Lord, "Don't change my attitude, change my crappy situation!" and He went ahead and changed my attitude anyway, because apparently He felt that was the crappy situation. If it's going to be the way it's going to be, why not be happier? It's just a constant effort. And, since gratitude was the keynote issue of the prophet in this last conference, trying to "follow the prophet" these days really takes some work on the inside. But that's always the case when trying to follow Christ--just who knew that "becoming a new creature" process really is as painful as it looks in the werewolf movies!

Well, next Sunday should be shorter now we're all caught up, and I have several pics I need to upload from the phone, so forgive the long, pic-free post.

Love to all.

Valerie

So excited!

I have so much catching up to do--later. But before I turn in I have to tell everyone what a great opportunity I have tomorrow. The UCA was invited to sing at the governor's inauguration and the songs are so transcendent and beautiful. Wearing a fancy formal and singing at a state function at the Capitol on the first Monday of the New Year hopefully bodes well for 2011! This choir is one of the best things that has ever happened to me--what a blessing! It will be broadcast at 11:45 on KUED channel 7 here in Utah if you're interested.

Quick Update

Consistent with my recent post, although not altogether intentionally, music really has begun to take over my life.  Utah Chamber Artists rehearsals are back in session, and we perform with the Utah Symphony this coming weekend (tickets still available through Utah Symphony).  Also, the Christmas concert on December 6th is going to be transcendent and fabulous, get your tickets now.

"Christmas with Utah Chamber Artists"

Location:Libby Gardner Concert Hall

Time:7:30PM Monday, December 6th

My new children's choir is doing wonderfully--almost 30 kids already--and we're preparing for Christmas performances that are fast approaching.  Rehearsals are now up to four a week (although kids only are required to come to two).  Combined with giving and getting private lessons, preparing for my choirs, and getting ready to continue more advanced music study next year at the U, my free time is wonderfully full of things that make me happy.

But of course something had to go to make room for this.  

With the first freeze, the garden took care of itself--that work is over, and next spring will entail a very conservative planting, which may even include some grass.  

Perhaps more shocking, as of Saturday I am now no longer murderous or an owner of any chickens at all.

I also had to let go of most of my volunteer time at the kid's school, so I can earn a little on the side and keep my home in better order.  

And obviously, I'm writing a whole lot less.  That's a sad one, and I hope to squeeze it in more.  

Like gardening, music often involves my children, or at least doesn't require me leaving them (even if sometimes they tell me to get off the piano so they can practice or my little ones tell me to quit being so loud--just the opposite of what my teacher says ;)  and my UCA rehearsals and performances (four this week total!) are later in the evening, so not too hard on the parenting.

The family is doing well, Ben and Sophie are both doing well in school, Tae Kwon Do and piano.  Noah and Lucy seem to be enjoying life.  David is my favorite thing, so I'm glad he lives here.  I love being home.  

It's strange that in all of this I still struggle so hard to find hope and act charitable--the more weighty purposes in life.  I've really noticed the connection between hope and charity lately--it's almost impossible to have the latter without the former.  It's always been tricky for me to keep my head straight and not get discouraged about things--not just my own things, but other people's struggles, state-of-the world things.  

This week I discovered that when we are told to put on the full armor of God, the armor that protects the head--the helmet--is the "hope of salvation."  That was quite an epiphany--that hope is the key to keeping my head straight.  I need to remember that. 

But aside from keeping the crazy at bay, all in all things are good.

If you can't join 'em--start your own party

As I said in my last post, I was so excited to get my kids going in the fancy new choir.  But as the moment moved closer to write the check, I started feeling weird about it.  It was so much money, and I felt anxious as I thought about that and the "performance parent" chaos that would replace my peaceful, quiet holiday season--they have tons of performances.


We decided to nix it, and glad I did, as I found out from a friend that there were a lot of additional fees and charges I didn't know about--it would have amounted to another $260 a month!  So that was a good call.


Then, as I told my friend Melonee about it, she recommended I just have my own children's choir--for parents like us who don't have tons of expendable income or time to run around to tons of performances, but still want a fancy classical musical education for our kids.  I have some great curriculum materials and felt I could still give my kids what I wanted for them, I just needed some more kids to round it out.  Plus I had just told Melonee I wanted to take on a few more voice students anyway, so it all came together.


So I spent a couple hours the other night to pop up a website and get the materials together.  We'll practice in my home for now, at the church if they will allow it and we grow too much, and the school has given me permission (and a piano!) to have rehearsals there after school.  It should be really fun, and although we'll still perform, it won't be a crazy schedule (and always on my terms).  :)


So, that's what I'm doing these days.

Prep for Christmas starts this coming Wednesday--German, Latin, and Kodaly ear training to boot. Should be fun! Please pass along the info to anyone in the area who may be interested.

www.veritaschildrenschoir.org

Veritas Children's Choir of Utah

www.veritaschildrenschoir.org

Veritas Children's Choir was created to provide an affordable, quality musical foundation to children ages 8-15* in Davis County and the greater Salt Lake City area. A wide range of exciting repertoire, formal Kodaly training and upbeat instruction help young singers learn to sing naturally while th...

If Music Be the Food of Love: Managing the Mundane

It's been a month since school began, and the family continues to both embrace and resist the structure and schedule in a kind of awkward dance.  (Everyone but David, of course, who only embraces it.)    I have decided to stay at the school while the children are there four days a week--helping to correct papers and cover incidental needs, subbing as needed.  School is only 8-12 and runs very conservatively on staff and budget, so they need the help.  I also watch a little six-week old boy while his mother does a fantastic job of teaching math and science to the upper grades. They have helped our family so much, I'm glad to be useful for once.

But on a more selfish note, it has forced more structure into my own life.  I can bring my computer in, write, deal with family business, and take care of things in between the times I'm needed.  That keeps me off the computer in the after-school hours where my attention really needs to be on house and home and parenting. 

That is the rough part, when the structure ends.  That daily grind where roses are supposed to be blooming beneath my feet with all that love at home.  However, I too often fail to see any. 

The past several weeks have led me to much thinking about how to manage the mundane--the stuff that 99.9% of life is made of.  I have spent so much energy trying to avoid it, by living in the future (or the past, or on the internet) distracting myself with other possibilities that would surely be much more interesting.  The perennial motherly temptations of something more meaningful or important--which of course do not exist. Conference was such a blessing, and as I listened with these things in mind, I heard a lot about simplicity and how to find joy in the everyday.  I've been really struggling to bring the promptings and inspiration I received in those two days into the reality of my post-conference life.

But even before conference, I had consciously come to (what seems now) an obvious conclusion.  I struggled with the same questions many do: How would I survive the crushing weight of my own thoughts when life would now be comprised almost entirely of menial tasks?  How would I stay engaged and not allow myself to be distracted or discontent with my terribly uncool reality?

Easy--I just needed a cooler soundtrack. 

The obvious next step was with Pandora--in my mind, the greatest invention the world has ever known.  Constant, free, almost ad-free internet radio completely customized to myself?  Yes, please.  Bored with the endless cycle of dishes?  The Postal Service station is the answer--because now I'm a sassy indie hipster finding only slightly pretentious beauty in the everyday things.  Feeling a little blue and don't want to be cheered up?  Definitely the Patty Griffin station--where the despair can become accepting and transcendent instead of dragging me into a dark place.  Chores with the kids?  Twist and Shout radio seems to get them going pretty well.

Generally, I don't use music to feel better when I'm down or to change how I'm feeling, but to help me feel how I'm feeling in a more beautiful way. Whatever the emotion, however uncomfortable or painful--music seems to color it in a way that enhances the inherent value of the human experience.

Making music, for me, is even more powerful.  I was so grateful recently to get into the Utah Chamber Artists, who are argued by many musicians to be one of the finest vocal groups in the state.  I am overwhelmed by my emotional response to creating this music.  I guess I'm just a rookie, but I'm still having to hide tears during rehearsals just from the beauty of it all.  

And, instead of just carelessly pounding my way through primary like a muppet (I'm the pianist), the upcoming program (and lots of fancy piano arrangements) are requiring me to practice every day--and I am noticing that practicing time resets my emotions in a very positive way (often needed after helping my own children practice their piano).

On that topic, I feel the same effect on my children.  At the risk of overscheduling them, I have just given in to their requests to join a children's choir--and my generally whiny, negative, squabbling older children turn into happy, laughing buddies for hours after coming home (plus this great choir often gets to sing for amazing people like the Dalai Lama, visiting dignitaries, church leaders, etc.)  They are playing the piano in their free time and finding joy in what they can do now (thanks to the most amazing piano teacher--ask me if you need one!)  They come to my concerts and actually enjoy them--not openly weeping like their sissy mother, though, not yet anyway.

So, whatever other things I need to understand to enjoy the practice of daily living, music, for now, is making all the difference.  It doesn't make me a better parent, but it is just a bit harder to yell at them over Pandora.

good news . . .

As many of you know, I was given a wonderful opportunity to contribute a chapter to the new book "Life Lessons from Fathers of Faith: Inspiring True Stories About Latter-Day Dads." It's a beautiful, full-color coffee table book with over 300 pages. If all goes well, they hope to have books in Deseret Book, Seagull Book, and Costco by Saturday.  This is a big deal for me, since it's the first time I have been published under my own name!  (Being a published ghostwriter somehow just didn't feel like the real thing.)

So, I'm asking you to consider buying it as a gift for the fathers, grandfathers and father-figures in your life.  The book has already received some great publicity and reviews. Here's a link to a review in the Deseret News' "Mormon Times." http://www.mormontimes.com/article/17343/Fathers-of-Faith-pays-tribute-to-fa  Also, a companion DVD will also be released next week, and this Saturday at 4 p.m., KSL TV will air a 30 minute documentary about the book.  Then, on KSL Radio (1160 am, 102.7 FM and online at KSL.com) they'll also present 30 minute segment about the book at 5 p.m. this Saturday.  There is also have a book trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A-Roqg0GqE

One of the editors, Gary Toyn, is a good friend of mine and a wonderful guy.  If you haven't already, please support him and the book and become a fan of Fathers of Faith on Facebook (http://ow.ly/2KPXC) or become a follower on Twitter at twitter.com/FathersofFaith

Forgive the shameless promotion, but I'd really like to see all of Gary's hard work succeed. Any help you can offer to help spread the word, I would greatly appreciate it.  

Thanks,

Valerie

Goodbye, Aunt Val

Of course the summer was fun.  How could it not be, jam-packed with field trips, hikes, camp outs and road trips galore, all in the name of "wholesome family recreation."  But some honest introspection as August rolled inevitably on revealed (again) the true motive behind all my MEPAF, POCHAF, "everybody-in-the-car" tendencies--good old fashioned avoidance of my parental responsibilities.

Because when we're out entertaining ourselves, mom Val gives way to fun, carefree Aunt Val--the one that spoils you and takes you cool places and buys (and eats) too many treats and is SO much nicer than that scary, screaming lady back at home.  And why shouldn't she be nice?  There are no dishes to wash, no food to prepare, thanks to the food that so easily flows through the window of the car.  No chore enforcement, no refereeing the constant fights that blow up between under-occupied children.

And you can tell me that's what summer is for, but it all points to something much deeper, because as nights get crisper and schedules and budgets tighten for fall, I feel like cattle out to pasture slowly being nipped, whipped and "Ki-yayed" back into the corral.  And, instead of longing for the comforts of home, I find myself absent-mindedly browsing for jobs (against my own very recent advice).

But no, I really do know better, deep down, and firmly renewed my focus running up to school starting this week.

I prayed, I pondered, I rededicated myself to scripture study, and tried to seek guidance as I prepared the schedule and figured out how to focus myself.  Life presents so many things to do, so many things I want to try and be and see and learn.  And, just a couple years away from completing four decades, I'm only now realizing I won't, can't, shouldn't, couldn't try/be/see/learn it all.  (For years I've resented the sentiment terribly when the kids listen to Lion King and she sings, "There's more to see than can ever be seen, More to do than can ever be done." Oh, shut up--I CAN have it all!)

And of course, half the time all I want to do is nothing anyway, so that really cuts into my options, too.

In the end (still cringing about it) I'm going to end up doing much less than I wanted/planned/hoped, or probably even should, do.

In determining a plan, I finally came to terms with the fact that I'm useless at night and must quit scheduling tasks, especially work and writing, after the kids go down.  The only time I can pull off anything worth reading  that late is when money and a potentially PO'd boss is in the picture.  I am not a morning person, but I also believe that's no reason not to get up early, it just needs to be done.  So there's that.

The strongest, most surprising impression I received in putting together simplified the whole process greatly--and the message was this: ONLY home and family from after school until the kids are in bed.  No multitasking, no computer (except bills and family management--accomplishing things, not browsing or dreaming or house hunting), no outlining work projects in my head, no distractions or preoccupations.  I can run errands, clean, plan, help with homework, piano practice, have the chats that never happen when I'm holed up in my "office" (bed) with my secret crush (laptop).  The people in my house come first.

The fabulous article on slowing down in the Ensign in June 2010 helped inspire this, and I got a great blessing along with the kids right before school started which has helped as well.

So, we're finishing up day two of this concept, and wow, it is a lot easier in many ways.  With all those hours, the house is cleaner, the busywork life management checklist is much slimmed down, everyone is fed regularly and more healthfully, fights are stopped before they start, chores are done right and more quickly (who knew just a little supervision would do so much!), kids are guardedly excited about the actual parenting they are receiving, David is more productive in his work, there is time for the scriptures, prayers, etc., and honestly, everything that matters is getting done like never before.

But more importantly, and surprisingly, my life is easier than it was.  I sit down more.  I look out the windows sometimes.  Before, when I let the hours between 12-8 be a free-for-all, I mainly just ran in a circle, not knowing where to start, but resenting anything and everyone that kept me from doing anything and everything else.  Resenting that I was always being pulled away from something, not sure what it was, but sure it was "important."

I don't feel like I'm failing for the first time in what seems like forever.

Granted, it's the end of day two, I'm very tired adjusting to the new wake up time, but I have yet to see a downside (that will probably come when I put in my almost non-existent hours this next pay period).  What a novel idea to actually just attend to my home and family for the majority of my day.

I know to many of my friends this is an absurd discovery, and you've been doing it forever, but sympathize with a slow learner, will you?   It takes me time to realize, accept, and then relearn that my primary role is not a nanny, a marketer, an observer, living like that "I'm a waiter but really I'm an actor" cliche character in the movies: "I'm a mother but really I'm a moneymaker/writer/diva whatever."  And I may never be rich or thin, and maybe when I'm old I'll resent having spent so much of my life "kicking against the pricks" on those two time hogs.

It's time to say goodbye to Aunt Val, slow down, and be just a mother.

Research shows that what you say about others says a lot about you

Fascinating study--take a look!

"How positively you see others is linked to how happy, kind-hearted and emotionally stable you are, according to new research. In contrast, negative perceptions of others are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior."

 

 

Sent to you by valkyrie via Google Reader:

 

 

What you say about others says a lot about you, research shows

via ScienceDaily: Latest Science News on 8/3/10

How positively you see others is linked to how happy, kind-hearted and emotionally stable you are, according to new research. In contrast, negative perceptions of others are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior.

 

 

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The Most Dangerous Playground in

...in the world.

Well, our grandparents survived these and it is true that the new
parks are protecting us to bored tears, but this park in Alpine a few
minutes south of our camp definitely hearkens back to an earlier and
less litigious time.

No doubt real teeter-totters are a bruised bottom waiting to happen
(and this one tried to simulate a mammogram on me (don't ask) but they
are great fun with constant adult supervision. Same goes for the
gargantuan slide that sends Lucy flying for yards off the bottom to
the mud and enormous monkey bars enticing kids to climb to ridiculous
heights. No passive park parenting here, but of course the kids loved
it and (aside from said accidental mammo) no one was seriously hurt.

Coalsville of a Sunday

Although these pictures do little to capture the peace of this moment,
I didn't want to forget this sweet picnic we stopped to enjoy a week
ago Sunday as we drove up to Jackson for the big summer vacation.

We had an old-timey icebox picnic of cold fried chicken, bread, fruit
and veggies in an old but tidy flag-draped pavillion. Then the kids
played a bit before settling back into the car to finish the drive.

Other than a shushing breeze, the town and the park were wonderfully
silent and perfectly vacant in every direction but for a single
horse. I'd like to attribute it to Sunday piety more than economic
collapse, but it was likely both. (And the latter tends to encourage
the former, of course.)

Then on to glorious Jackson, where the flood of loveliness continued.
More posts on that soon.

Lagoon!

Winding down our making-up-for-mom-working-for-two-years summer
extravaganza we all went to Lagoon for Ben's birthday. We had a ball.
Right now they are all on their last carousel ride at almost 10 pm
while I sit and try to get my stomach back under control after Wicked,
the Spider and Colossus.

My first baby is 11!

Ben had a racquet-themed birthday with a badminton set and his first tennis racquet.  We went up to the park for his first lesson after a monkey-bread and bacon breakfast. Then he had a fun BBQ with friends, dad cooked, and after an afternoon playing with his birthday presents we went to dinner at Robintinos with grandparents.  The night was spent watching Raiders of the Lost Ark with Dad and I came in at the end to tell him to shut his eyes, just like Indy and Marion do. I remember too well how all that face melting stuck in my head for years as a kid. 

 

I thought that having to wait so long to become a parent would have made me a more patient, loving, grateful mother.  I didn't take into account that every child brings their own lesson plan and that my first born would be a graduate course in parenting. I wasn't prepared, and am not the A-parent I'd hoped I'd be, but I trust the Lord knew what what he was doing and will make up for my failings in the heart of this little man as I keep trying to give him what he needs in life.  I became a very different person because of this strong, strong-willed, quirky, boy genius. 

 

I am so happy with who you have become and am so blessed to be your mom.  I love you, sweet Ben.  One more year to be a boy. 

Easy Pre-Camping Field Trip: Beehive House & Temple Square

Super fast, easy and cheap. The best choice a week before the big
campout. Now we're in Jackson camping. (I'm in town taking kids to
the park so I have signal.)

Handcart Days Fair

Another required annual tradition after the Chuckwagon Breakfast on
the 24th The joke of the day was, "c'mon kids, hurry up and make
memories so we can go home." Cute kids, hot husband.